The World on its Head: A Q&A about the ideas behind this exciting TEDGlobal session

Global Issues TED Conferences TEDGlobal 2013 guest curators Nassim Assefi and Gabriella Gomez-Mont share how they created the session, “The World on Its Head,” which will make you rethink the global order.

Session 6 of TEDGlobal 2013 has a captivating title: “The World on its Head.” Guest curated by Nassim Assefi and Gabriella Gómez-Mont — both from the inaugural class of TEDGlobal 2009 Fellows — the session will be a chance to turn our conceptions of the Middle East and Latin America upside down, and to rethink staid assumptions about politics, religion, art, architecture, peacemaking and more. 

Here, the TED Blog asks Assefi and Gómez-Mont to share what inspired the session and how they went about picking speakers.

Where did the theme “The World on Its Head” come from?

Nassim Assefi: Gabriella and I brainstormed, trying to tie together our two regions. What is the zeigeist in each of our regions? The undercurrents? What do they have in common? How have they been underestimated? Misunderstood? What is their hidden potential? We settled on “The World On Its Head” after viewing a wonderful map of the world with the South facing upward. That visual became a metaphor for rethinking deeply held assumptions and views of the world and sitting with the discomfort of a new idea until the brain adjusts.

Gabriella Gómez-Mont: For me, the idea of “The World on Its Head” rings strongly and intimately with moments in life when I had to truly rethink important things so deeply that the former map no longer works, no longer matches the new reality. That moment, pause, gap, chaos of no longer understanding anything because one fundamental part of understanding crumbles — it’s one of the most enigmatic and profoundly human moments one can go through.

It is both so strangely beautiful and tremendously brutal to rethink once unshakable truths. No wonder all of us, collectively and individually, try to make the world sit still and force maps to remain the same for centuries even when they no longer work. But in the end, that moment of confusion is a fundamental part of every transformation, adventure, and reconstitution — a pure turbulent threshold between paradigms. And then many new possibilities surface after finding one’s footing again in an upside-down world.

How did the guest curation come about?

Assefi: I had been pitching speaker ideas to [TEDGlobal curator] Bruno Giussani since the moment I met him, and many of those suggestions have made it to the TED stage. I play that role at TEDMED, too. In August 2012, we received a marvelous email invitation out of the blue from Bruno to guest curate/host a session at TEDGlobal. There are more than 300 TED Fellows from around the world, each doing amazing work, and no TED Fellow had ever guest curated a session at TED, so this is an incredible honor.

Gabriella and I were chosen in part because we work in, and come from, distinct regions of the world — I represent the Middle East/Central Asia, and Gabriella Latin America. I’m an internist and global women’s health specialist (most recently tackling maternal mortality in Afghanistan). I also write novels, work on civic peace-oriented projects in the Middle East, defend human rights from a medical angle, and am a feminist activist, a single mom, and a diehard TEDhead. Gabriella is an artist, a documentary filmmaker, a curator for the arts in Latin America, and now head of a civic think tank/laboratory for Mexico City.

I represent the sciences/health, literature, and global politics; she is the arts expert, the design/architecture person, a cultural force. We have different styles of working, but in reality, we overlap quite a bit. I speak Spanish and have worked in Central America. She has traveled in the Middle East. We’re both polyglots, crazy dancers, and global citizens, though we have strong predilections for our regions of origin.

What’s the thrust of the session?

Assefi: It’s about discarding assumptions about the Middle East, Latin America, and the way you think the world works in exchange for groundbreaking ideas that will hopefully inspire you to rethink politics, religion, art, peacemaking, the role of sports, underestimated economies and architecture, and even toxic environments.

Gómez-Mont: Exactly, that is a great description. I was interested in reformulating and rethinking certain gray areas we take for granted, and I wanted to focus on Latin America, on certain places and subjects that could be explored more thoroughly. We sought to make our speakers complement each other, understand how we could weave certain threads among individual narratives, regions and diverse disciplines. And diversity — of age, country of origin, religion, and so on — was important to us.

Can you describe your speakers?

Assefi: All are global citizens/multicultural. Each of them has taken on courageous work. The lineup include: architect and urbanist Teddy Cruz; explorer, writer and filmmaker Holly Morris; economic policy innovator Juan Pardinas; historian/political scientist Trita Parsi; performance artist Tania Bruguera; accidental theologist Lesley Hazleton; and founder of the Beirut Marathon, May El-Khalil.

We found our musician through two other TEDFellows, Meklit Hadero and Esra’a al Shafei. Dina el Wedidi is one of Meklit’s Nile Music artists and is featured in Esra’a’s MidEastTunes app. Through the Rolex Mentor and Protegee Arts Program, Dina has been paired with the famous Brazilian musician, Gilberto Gil. Dina seemed like a poetic fit for our session — the TED Fellow-link to discovering this brazen, beautiful, young woman singer-songwriter from the Middle East, who found her audience during the Arab Spring and is being influenced and mentored by a legendary Latin American musical force.

But we don’t want to give away our speakers’ topics. It’s more fun if you are surprised by our session. At a TED conference, one generally doesn’t know what each speaker’s idea worth spreading will be until show time!

Which speakers do you think are going to knock our socks off? Why?

Assefi: That’s a cruel question, like asking a mother to choose the favorite between her children! The truth is, if curated well, different speakers will wow different people. It depends on what’s happening in your life, what you’ve been thinking about lately, and how open you are to certain ideas. Of the four I’ve chosen, I can imagine each one of them blowing you away. I predict Gabriella feels the same.

Gómez-Mont: I feel the same. And one never knows until that fateful day when the crowd goes silent and the curtain goes up what will happen in that space between those words on paper and the voice on stage — between the careful planning and the happily reckless, often serendipitous, many times shifting, sometimes accomplice or sometimes trickster — reality.

TED Global, themed “Think Again,” kicks off on June 10 in Edinburgh, Scotland. See the full list of speakers, and get lots more information about attending at the conference website. And stay tuned to the TED Blog where we will be bringing you live coverage of the conference.

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How to Record Audio Like a Pro

Have you ever wanted to compose and record your own song? Maybe you need to record a phone call to someone. Perhaps you’re looking for the perfect soundtrack for a video or slideshow you created. Here’s how to record audio, depending on the source you’re recording and the type of audio you need.

Plenty of options exist for a simple voice recording. Telephone microphones are designed to pick up the normal range of the human voice. This gives you several options for creating a voice memo on your phone. The first way is a simple answer that works no matter what type of phone you have: Leave yourself a voicemail.

If you have a smartphone, your options are expanded quite a bit. Evernote is one of my favorite program for all types of notes, including audio notes. If you’re unfamiliar with Evernote, this video will give you the basics to get started, and this video will show you how to record an audio note. Using Evernote, you can easily access your voice audio recordings from both your smartphone and PC/Mac.

Recording a phone call is a little different. Every state has different laws on whether or not you need to inform the other party prior to recording a phone call and the purpose of such recording. This is why you hear a recorded warning that “this call may be recorded for quality purposes” when calling customer service. For specific information on such laws where you live, check out the Digital Media Legal Project’s phone and conversation recording page here

Once you understand the legal ramifications of your actions, you need to decide among your options. If you have a smartphone, download TapeACall Pro from iTunes for $9.99 or Auto Call Recorder from Google’s Play Store for $6.99.  These apps allow you to record phone calls from your smartphone with no extra equipment needed.

If you’re still using an old cell phone or want to record a phone call from a landline phone, the Olympus VN-702PC Voice Recorder is a great option. Simply hook it up to your phone’s headphone jack and hit record. If your phone doesn’t have a headphone jack (common in old corded phones), you’ll need an additional adapter to utilize the phone’s handset jack for call recording.

While voice recording is easy, things get a little more complicated when recording music. This is because each instrument has unique attributes. It used to be that the only way to obtain a professional recording of a musical instrument was to pay professional fees for a professional studio with tens of thousands of dollars of equipment. Those days are long gone, but the art and science of audio recording isn’t.

The first thing you need is recording software. Macs come equipped with a home audio recording and production program called GarageBand. Find more about how to use it here. PC users aren’t as lucky with preinstalled software, but that’s okay. Regardless of what type of computer you use, Pro Tools, the software used by professional recording studios, comes free with the audio recording equipment you’ll need.

The 3 pieces of hardware needed for a professional audio recording are a microphone, mic cable, and computer interface to connect it to your computer. Professional studios use the Shure SM-57 as an all-purpose instrument microphone. It’s capable of making professional, CD-quality audio recordings from just about any instrument. You should be able to find one for $100 or less at your local music store. Otherwise, click this link to purchase one from Amazon.

You’ll also need an audio interface device. The M-Audio MobilePre is a great all-in-one solution that comes with a basic copy of Pro Tools and a USB cable to hook it up to your computer. You can purchase one from Amazon here. Once you have a mic and interface, all you need is a microphone cable to connect everything and you’re ready to start producing professional, CD-quality music recordings.

No matter how you record your audio, chances are you’ll eventually need to convert the audio file to another format. While most recording software has options to do this, occasionally you need to play or create a file format that isn’t supported.

Audacity is the most expansive and intuitive program for this process. Download the free program from their website, and drag and drop the file you wish to convert. You can perform minor tweaks to the file and save to a large variety of the most popular audio formats.

If you’re on a public or work computer and can’t download software, learn how to convert audio files to MP3 on the web for free here.

Audio recording is both an art and a science. Recording professionals go to school for 2-4 years to learn the basics, and it takes years of practice to find the exact settings and style that work for you. Here are a few tips to get you started:

Whenever possible, record each instrument with 2 microphones. This gives you 2 raw files to mix and match for the perfect sound.When using multiple microphones, always ensure the distance between the microphones is 2x the distance from the closest microphone to the recording source. For example, if you’re singing into a microphone from 1 foot away, the 2nd mic needs to be 2 feet away from the 1st mic. If you don’t follow this rule, the sound recorded on each microphone will cancel each other out during playback.It’s important to test the recording volume to avoid recording audio that is either too soft or too loud. As a general rule, you will not speak/play as loud during your test as you will during the actual recording, so decrease the volume by 5-10% to make up for this.If you hear static during a recording, it is likely caused by the microphone being
turned up too loud, thus cutting off the sound wave. Try turning the microphone down a little bit.It’s easier to turn an audio recording down than it is to turn it up, so make sure you have the microphone turned up loud enough to obtain a quality audio recording to avoid having to redo your recording.If you have any questions during the audio process, don’t be afraid to go to your local music shop and ask for assistance. Musicians are a valuable resource for information in regards to audio recording.Don’t bother recording a live concert on your cell phone. Not only is it illegal, the quality won’t be anything near what you’re experiencing in person.

Know how to record, but stuck on what to record? Check out: 30 Tips to Rejuvenate Your Creativity

Featured photo credit: record player stylus on a rotating disc via Shutterstock

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Mindful or Mind Full? Techniques for Staying in the Present Moment

We often come across articles or passages in books that remind us that peace and tranquility is to be found by being “present”—by being mindful and staying in the moment—but rarely are we given techniques about how exactly to do that. Let’s explore a few different methods of doing so.

One great way of staying in the present moment is to focus on your breath. When all of your attention is centered on your breathing, it’s less likely that your mind will wander off into worry-land.

There are a few different ways to focus on your breathing, but we’re going to delve into the ones that combine both physical and mental awareness, as it’s the best way for novices to get into the habit.

1. Diaphragmatic breathing. Known as dirga pranayama in yogic circles, this is a 3-part breathing technique that draws breath deep into your lungs and creates a tranquil state of being. The best way to do this is to place one hand on your belly, and one hand on your upper chest. When you inhale, do so by drawing air into your belly, allowing it to rise out against the hand you’ve placed upon it. As you continue to draw breath, pull it into your diaphragm and let it expand, and finally inhale deep into your chest, letting your upper ribs float into the hand you have placed on them. When you exhale, you’ll reverse the process: release breathe from your chest first, then the diaphragm, and then your belly.

This practice is a great one for focusing on your breath, since your attention is wholly involved in the movement of air through your body: there’s no room for errant thoughts to slide in.

2. Alternate nostril breathing. Known as nadi sodhana or anuloma viloma, this is another pranayama technique that works wonders for grounding and calming you, and for alleviating stress or anxiety. The best part about this one is that it’s a very quick mindfulness technique that you can do just about anywhere: a couple of minutes are all that’s needed to put it into practice, so if you disappear into the restroom at work or close your office door for a quick breather (literally), no-one’s going to miss you.

To do alternate breathing, block off your right nostril and take a slow, deep breath in through your left nostril to the count of 4. Plug your nose and hold your breath to the count of 16, and then exhale solely through your right nostril to the count of 8. Then reverse: inhale with your right nostril to the count of 4, hold breath for 16, exhale with the left nostril to the count of 8. This may sound ridiculously simple, but once again, all of your attention is focused on the one thing you’re currently doing: you’re being present, and mindful.

If you find that your mind is very restless and is causing you a fair bit of grief, take a moment to just be still, and to focus on what you can be aware of with each of your senses. Find a quiet place where you can sit in stillness for a few minutes, close your eyes, and take a couple of deep, calming breaths.

Touch: Focus on the things that you can feel physically at the moment. Keep your eyes closed. What is the texture of the floor like beneath your feet? Is there a breeze against your skin? If your hands are on your lap, what does the fabric of your clothing feel like? Are your hands on a cool, smooth tabletop, or on the leathery arms of an old chair? Immerse yourself in physical sensation and really be aware of what everything feels like.

Scent: Can you smell anything right now? With your eyes still closed, bring your awareness to any scents that may be lingering in the air. If you’re at the office, can you smell coffee from the lunchroom or a co-worker’s desk? Did someone microwave popcorn today? What about your own perfume or cologne? Can you smell the shampoo in your hair? If you’re at home or outside, try to pinpoint a few scents that you can recognise.

Hearing: Take a moment to really listen to the world around you. Most of us acclimatize to our living conditions so much that we tune out most of what we hear over the course of the day, so keep your eyes closed and listen—don’t just hear. Can you tune into the bubbles fizzing in your drink? The ticking of a clock in another room? Maybe you can hear your pet snoring, or the subtle shifting noises that your house makes over the course of the day. Do you hear traffic? Raindrops? Birds?

Taste: This one can be a bit more difficult if you haven’t eaten anything recently, so if you don’t have any lingering crumbs around your mouth, it can help to take a sip of your drink or a bite of a snack to aid this one along. When you take a bite or sip of something, give the food your entire attention: notice the textures, the different flavours. Pay attention to the movement your tongue and throat make as you eat, and see if you can focus on the item you’ve swallowed as it makes its way down to your stomach.

Sight: Yes, this one requires you to open your eyes. It’s best to do it last, so you’re already in a relaxed state after focusing on the previous senses. Let your eyes rest on an item near you, and really look at it, even if it’s something that’s in your peripheral vision every day. Is it a plant that you can look at and analyze in detail? Or a favourite teacup? Are there scratches on the cup that you’d never noticed before? What’s written on the bottom, if anything? Take the time to see something in its entirety instead of just observing it without thought.

Some people find that the best way for them to return to the present moment is by carrying a “grounding” item with them. This is something that can be kept in a pocket or worn as jewellery, so when anxieties rise or the outside world gets a bit too harried and distracting, touching and focusing on that item brings them back to the present moment.

This item can be anything at all, as long as it has meaning to you. It could be a stone or crystal that’s kept in your pocket, a mala bracelet, pendant, rosary/prayer beads, or even a ring that’s worn daily—if it’s something that can bring you peace and help to center/ground you when you’re flailing emotionally, it’s perfect.

To ground yourself with your item, just take a couple of minutes to sit with it and be wholly absorbed in the experience of touching it. If it’s a stone, feel the cool smoothness of it in your hands, and allow yourself to draw strength from it: that stone is likely a million years old. If it’s a crystal that hums with energy, allow it to hum in your hands and imagine yourself filled with light the same colour of the item you’re holding. If you’re using prayer beads, run them through your fingers and draw comfort from their solidity. Let the outside world slip away as you focus your entire being on what you’re holding in your hands, and how it makes you feel.

Staying in the present moment takes practice, but a few minutes each day are all that’s needed to establish your mindfulness practice. Before long, you’ll notice that you’re much more aware and appreciative of things around you, as well as experiences you have and tastes/textures you enjoy. Anxieties about the past or future slip away when you find peace in the now.

If you have been on the productivity kick for any period of time, you know just how hard it can be to stay focused: How To Get Things Done While Being Mindful

Featured photo credit: Zen flower loto in water on white background via Shutterstock

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Daily Quote: A life lived of choice is a life of conscious action

A life lived of choice is a life of conscious action. A life lived of chance is a life of unconscious creation.

Recently, we asked the readers what their tips for staying creative were. Sometimes creativity flows from the heavens, but other times, as we all know, it’s like drawing water from a stone. The following are the best tips you gave us.

30 Tips to Rejuvenate Your Creativity

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7 Limiting Beliefs of Unhappy People

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9 Tips for New Traders to Trade Binary Options

From earning a little extra money to making a full time living, or making a lot of money in a short span of time, binary options trading is an excellent way to achieve all of this. As it slowly gains popularity all throughout the world, thousands are making good money with little or no prior knowledge of the subject, however, binary options trading isn’t a cake walk: success can be achieved and risks can be minimized by following the tips mentioned below:

The first and foremost advice to be given to any beginner trader is to select a good binary options broker for your help in this field. A good broker, who knows his work, makes all the difference. There are various comparison websites available to make this choice easier for new traders, so one can quite easily consult these websites and choose a good binary options broker of their choice.Secondly, it is advisable to increase your knowledge in the field of binary options trading and to know that there is always more to learn. There are training courses available for imparting binary options trading knowledge to new traders. Reading new books on the subject matter and discussing with other traders about the matter also adds to the benefit. This type of trading is a constantly-evolving experience, hence knowledge on the matter is ever expanding.Thirdly, trading long term serves better returns, and binary options trading is a long term activity. Developing a long term plan for your binary trading and playing the right cards will ensure that you ultimately come out on top. Resist the temptation to get drawn into fads that do not fit into your overall strategies and strictly stick to your drawn plans.Fourth is to reduce your risks by resisting the urge to over-invest. Beginners tend to get carried away to make that one big score but they must employ some self control as that may be a game changer. New traders lose more money by getting carried away and over investing. Binary options brokers advise to invest not just with courage but also with rational thinking.Fifth, it is essential to keep a clear head while making any decisions about binary options trading. Beginners should avoid trading when they are emotionally disturbed, as emotions can create havoc with your trading. It is very easy to make the wrong decisions in an emotional state, so it is advisable to stay away from any form of trading until you’ve calmed down and cleared your mind.Prepping yourself before trading in binary options is the sixth advice. Studying the market and viewing graphs over time can help new traders predict behavior of any binary options asset, thereby helping them to make well-informed decisions.Another very important piece of advice would be to keep apprised of trading news. Keeping ears and eyes open to catch breaking news about the market condition can get the binary options trader a clear view of current situations, making it easier for him to trade during market crashes. By understanding the root cause for market changes, the new trader can help corner the market when it rallies or crashes.Hedging trades against each other just ends up decreasing the statistical probability of earning more profits as opposed to increasing them.Last, but not least, it is very important to have fun while trading binary options. Beginning binary options traders must ensure that it does not become a bore or a drag; if a trader has fun while trading, then he or she will be naturally inclined towards it and will pay more attention and make better decisions, thereby increasing profits.

Which job should you take? What car should you buy? Should you ask him to marry you?: How to Make the Right Choice

Featured photo credit: The decision - conceptual vector illustration. eps10 via Shutterstock

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The Obstacle is the Path

Often we’re discouraged because of some tough challenge or obstacle in our way. But a shift in mindset from a Zen proverb can change everything: “The obstacle is the path.”

The obstacle isn’t something standing in our way. It’s the way itself.

That might seem strange, so let’s look at a few examples:

You are struggling with writing, and procrastinate. Procrastination is the symptom, but it also illuminates the path you should take: you are dreading something about the writing, you are shying away from discomfort, you are afraid of the writing or what will happen when you publish the writing. So work with that dread, the discomfort, and the fear. You’ll be stronger for having done that.You are shy and can’t meet people. This can be seen as an obstacle to social happiness, or as a path for something to work with. Many people will avoid this obstacle of shyness, and instead stay home and not socialize. Instead, go towards this shyness, explore it, find out what you’re afraid of, work with that fear. You’ll get better at handling the fear, even let go of it, and it will no longer stand in your way.You are stressed out and overwhelmed at work. You can complain about this problem (and it will then continue for the rest of your life), or you can immerse yourself in it, let it lead you to self-exploration, and deal with the source of that stress and overwhelm. You’ll learn that you have unrealistic expectations and ideals, learn to let go of them, and the stress will go away. You’ll now have a tool for dealing with stress for the rest of your life.People criticize you for doing things different, and don’t understand what you’re doing. You can get mad at them, rage against the unfairness of the world, or avoid them. Or, instead, you could embrace this concern, thank them for caring about you, and engage them in a conversation about what you’re going through, why you decided to do it, and how you could use their support. They might not completely understand, but they also might understand you better, which is great. And you’ll now be better at dealing with this forevermore.You are jealous, angry, weak, impatient, grieving. You can deal with any of these issues, if you are willing to go into them, and be OK with experiencing these discomforts.

The examples can go on forever, but the principle becomes clear: when there’s an obstacle, don’t go around it. Don’t run from it. Go into it. Work with it. Explore it. Learn how to be with it and deal with it, and you’ll have a skill for life.

And what’s more: you will no longer be limited by obstacles in your path.

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Further reading on what makes a good end of life

Culture TEDTalks Judy Macdonald Johnston speaks at TED University, where audience members from TED2013 get the chance to speak.

“What would be a good end of life?” Judy Macdonald Johnston asks in today’s talk, given at TED2013. Her answer — based on her own experience of helping two friends face death in a way that respected the incredible life they’d built — involves five practices, all of which can help maintain a high quality of life even as independence and bodily function decline.

Judy MacDonald Johnston: Prepare for a good end of lifeFirst, make a plan, which means “answering straightforward questions about the end you want.” Second, recruit advocates who have “the time and proximity to do this job well” and can thrive under the unique pressures of this task. Third, prepare important documents — like summaries of your medical history — for the hospital. Fourth, select caregivers who fit your needs and desires, which might take a few tries. And fifth, ponder and discuss last words: “What do you want to hear at the very end and from whom would you like to hear it?”

We talk about how to live the good life all the time. And yet, though we all face death, we’re less willing to talk about what would be a good conclusion to life. Here, some further reading, watching and listening on this hard but important topic.

Read: This Wild Darkness. In the mid-‘90s, Harold Brodkey wrote a series of essays, mostly for The New Yorker, about his experiences and emotions as he died of AIDS. In these essays — subsequently published in a single volume as This Wild Darkness: The Story of My Death — Brodkey reckons with the realities of both his impending death and, through that lens, his life. His style can be self-aggrandizing, but ultimately, the book acts as a case study of how self-reflection through writing can make nearing death a little bit less terrifying. “The obsession with literary power games, with recognition and reputation, gradually subsides and gives way to something like acceptance,” Michiko Kakutani wrote in The New York Times upon the book’s publication.
.Watch: A Will for the Woods. The new documentary A Will for the Woods, featured in our roundup 9 documentaries that you need to see in 2013, follows psychiatrist Clark Wang as he battles lymphoma and arranges his own burial. His resolve for a burial that helps, rather than harms, the environment spawns the first natural burial ground in the state of North Carolina. The film’s website notes that green burials were the norm “before the contemporary funeral industry propagated expensive and elaborate funerals as traditional,” and applauds the growing demand for them now.
.Bookmark: The Hospice Foundation. The Hospice Foundation of America offers several quite lovely pages (and for-sale booklets) about approaching your own, or a loved one’s, death. A page entitled “Signs of Approaching Death” explains what death looks like in a purely practical sense—something we don’t and can’t know the first time we confront it. The unknown tends to frighten us most, so having a bit more advanced warning of what’s to come might serve as a comfort. For example, the site explains that as you near death, fluid can build up in your lungs, casing a rattling as you breathe. “This breathing sound is often distressing to caregivers but it is not an indication of pain or suffering,” the site assures us. (There are also practical sections, as on advance care planning.)
.Bookmark: New Old Age. The New York Times’ “New Old Age” blog, which Johnston links to on her own website, explores what it’s like to care for adults over age 80.  Recent posts are on Vermont’s passage of the ‘Aid in Dying’ measure, a look at a recent study on dementia units, and what millennials need to ask their parents while they can.
.Listen: “When Prolonging Death Seems Worse Than Death.” Last year, Fresh Air’s Terry Gross interviewed Judith Schwarz, of the nonprofit Compassion & Choices, about end-of-life decisions for the terminally ill. In the interview, Schwarz argues that terminally ill patients should have the right to choose to die sooner. Beyond dealing with the realities of what terminal illness means, the interview offers a thoughtful, compassionate way of looking at the multiple and varied desires of the dying. That is: it’s a lesson in empathy and a reminder that though some ideas may frighten us, it behooves us to look at them in depth. In the story, Schwarz also prods us to consider what it really is like to live through a painful end-of-life, and suggests that in some cases, death is not the worst option on the table. And that’s okay.
.Bookmark: Seven Ponds. The website Seven Ponds aims to “promote a healthy attitude towards the process of death by encouraging a meaningful experience that is in harmony with the environment.” Their recommendations: cremation and natural burials (see #2, above!). “We see a world where everyone can experience death in their own personal way and feel it’s all okay,” writes Suzette Sherman, Seven Ponds’ founder. For her blog, go here.
.Watch: “Older, and Unafraid to Talk about It.” This New York Times interactive video gallery presents the stories of three seniors who have recently started therapy to work through the changes they’re facing as they near the ends of their lives. “I’m surrounded by people who are old, and I had to come to grips with that,” an 87-year-old woman says. And, from an 86-year-old man: “You can’t do the things you used to do. You can’t go where you wanted. People look at you differently. What psychiatry does is help you go through the problems and adjust your thinking.”

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9 Reasons Why Remote Working is Awesome and How to Make the Most of It

Everyone knows that there are benefits to working from home. I absolutely love lists and as I began thinking about it, I noticed that I’ve never actually spelled out the major benefits to working from home and how you can make remote working a bit more efficient. You might be able to piece together some other material and gain a general consensus about why we love this lifestyle but it’s still not the same as actually creating a black and white list of great reasons to join the community of remote workers around the world. Here’s a quick list of some awesome benefits to becoming a remote worker.

It’s always been a dream of mine to work for myself and set my own schedule, and working from home gives me the perfect opportunity to do just that. The only commute I worry about is the small walk from my bed to the computer desk and I consider that to be awesome. It’s really not possible in other situations. Staying up late and sleeping in are two activities that I thoroughly enjoy and when remote working, it really doesn’t matter because I set my own hours. Nobody is there to monitor my daily activity so that freedom is in totally in my hands. It can be powerful if not abused.

I tend to wake up and shower straight away, so I’m not extremely keen on this idea but I know it’s a particularly big deal among some remote workers. Just the idea of not showering until noon again implies a level of freedom that doesn’t exist when you’re chained to a desk.

I’m a people person so It’s really important to develop close social relationships by investing time but unfortunately, these activities don’t always happen at the most ideal moments. Like any fine wine, a great relationship takes time so having the freedom to shift my schedule and allocate that required time when the occasion arises is a great benefit to becoming a remote worker.

I’ve written quite a bit on this point so I’ll keep this somewhat brief: I love traveling when I get the chance but when I work in a classic office setting, this becomes an itch I don’t often scratch. When I shift focus to working remotely, my office becomes a mobile workspace and I can then work anywhere on Earth with a solid internet connection.

There are always benefits to being out and about but what about the creature comforts ofworking from your own home? Your home is powerful in the fact that it’s a familiar place where you can shut the door and really focus. Also, working from home gives you the opportunity to step away and clear your mind with other activities when necessary. Just don’t get distracted!

From my personal experience, I’ve come to the conclusion that remote working gives me a sense of stability that typically doesn’t exist in a classic office setting. There’s something to be said for controlling your environment and for me, that idea brings about a much less stressful dynamic in my daily life. There’s also a social aspect that somewhat emulates a “rat race” mentality in a physical office that doesn’t exist in a remote setting.

Similar to point #3, when working remotely I have a much larger capacity to shift my schedule and become involved in my local community. Whether it’s volunteer work or playing sports on the community league, this ability to be flexible is an extremely important part of a healthy social dynamic.

No matter if you’re a freelancer or part of a larger remote team, you’re doing something amazing and paving the way for others to join you. You have the unique ability to teach people how they can make money, set their own schedule and enjoy all the other benefits that come along with living and working a remote lifestyle.

As an avid researcher of the remote lifestyle, I’ve come across study after study and blog post after blog post about why remote workers tend to be more productive than office workers. It’s difficult to pinpoint but based on my own lifestyle, I have a strong feeling it comes down to responsibility. When working in a large office, it’s really difficult to own your experience and consider the work you’re doing as important and valuable, thus you’ll be less productive. It’s very easy to get caught up in relating the office space to a centerpoint of the organization but in reality, the organization’s centerpoint is the people. It’s much easier to get a strong center of gravity on the people in a remote setting where the only thing you have is each other and no office spaces to distract you from the overall goal.

This entire article would be pointless if I didn’t leave you with some solid advice on how to make your remote working experience more productive and beneficial. Here’s a short-but-sweet list of simple ways to work hard, achieve balance and increase your productivity as a remote worker.

I’ve always found success in becoming a frequent customer at coffee shops and co­-working spaces where people are actively building cool things. The best way to get inspired is byspending time with inspiring people so make it a point to engage with someone that’s doing
something cool.

Ambient noise (room chatter) is a proven method of increasing productivity and giving you an amazing electric feeling. There’s nothing that will whip you into shape like walking into a room where people are actively discussing future plans and world domination.

I get distracted very easily. Turning out the lights can be a good way of bringing focus to your computer screen while excluding everything else that might be distracting from your view. I’ve found this method really helps me sift through the potential distraction of working from home. It seems strange but definitely works for me!

Working from home can create a sense of always being attached to your work, even while you’re not working. I find it helpful to create distinct lines between your work and home life. This can be achieved by setting a schedule and sticking to it. When you’re stressed at work, the last thing you want to do is bring that stress into your home life so creating these lines and making a schedule are very important steps in achieving this separation.

No matter who you are or where you work, it’s important to take a step back and make a quick inventory of the reasons why you do what you do. If you’re not quite at the place where you’re stepping away from the physical office, hopefully this post is helpful in giving you an idea of some great benefits that come along with this lifestyle while staying productive in the process.
Keep remoting.

What helps keep you productive throughout the day: How to Work from Home and Stay Ultra-Productive

Featured photo credit: Office in the green via Shutterstock

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London Meet-up Details – May 19

Now that I’m in the UK, the Brits tell me I won’t be allowed to leave unless we have a social meet-up here. So let’s make it so! Here are the details of our first-ever London meet-up.

Date: Sunday, May 19, 2013

Time: 2:00 pm (14:00)

Location: In the Royal Festival Hall of Southbank Centre, Level 2, in the seating area across from the Riverside Terrace Cafe. Riverside is literal in this case since we’ll be on the river side of the building on the South bank of the Thames, so you’ll see the river if you look out the windows from the meet-up area. This is a public indoor space (the building is open from 10am to 11pm), so there will likely be other people in the area who aren’t with our group. Look for Rachelle and me somewhere in this area, or watch for a gathering group of mostly 20- and 30-somethings. Here’s the exact location via Google maps. We’re a short distance from the London Eye.

Price: Free

There’s a snack bar near the meet-up spot, so you can get drinks and food there too if you wish.

Within the past few weeks, we’ve hosted meet-ups in Berlin and Amsterdam, each with 25-30 attendees. Since London is a much bigger city, it wouldn’t surprise me if we had a significantly bigger turnout here. Our biggest ever free meet-up was about 40 people in New York City, but that was back in 2007. So this one could potentially be a record-breaker.

A meet-up is a great opportunity to connect with like-minded people who share your interest in conscious personal growth. A comment I frequently hear at our meet-ups is: I had no idea there were so many people like me out there. It’s so great to connect with people who think like I do.

Sure you can “meet” people online, but it’s much more fun and fulfilling to get away from the computer and connect like a real human being. Share stories and laughs in person instead of reading comment streams. Hugs always beat smilies.

If you feel socially awkward, this is a chance to stretch yourself; feel awkward and show up anyway.

It isn’t unusual for a few people to travel from other cities (even other countries) to attend one of these meet-ups. Some people really like being around this kind of energy, even if only for a short time.

Usually our meet-ups last 2-3 hours, but our Berlin one lasted 6-7 hours, so who knows? As long as people want to keep hanging out, it’s fine to stick around. The building is open till 11pm. Of course you’re free to leave whenever you desire.

Meet-ups have no formal agenda. They’re purely social — a chance to meet other locals and make new friends. We basically hang out, move around, mingle, and talk about what interests us. These meet-ups are simple, but for the purpose they serve, simple usually works very well.

Quite often someone from each meet-up will create a Facebook group or gather people’s email addresses (totally voluntary), so those who wish to stay in touch afterwards can do so easily.

If you do come to the meetup, try to be there roughly on time. We don’t always stay in the same spot, so if you’re very late, we might not still be in the original location.

If anything goes wrong with our chosen meet-up spot, like if it’s hugely crowded or unavailable for some reason, scout for us nearby, or check twitter.com/stevepavlina for a status update.

I normally prefer an outdoor meet-up location like a park — Regent’s Park had some beautiful spots — but the London weather has been so wonky that I’d rather play it safe and go indoors this time. Today it was sunny, cloudy, rainy, and cold/windy at different times of the day. I have no idea what the weather will be like at the time of our meet-up, but at least indoors, bad weather won’t be a problem. Of course another advantage of our indoor location is that they have public restrooms there (which can be scarce elsewhere in London).

If this meet-up interests you and if the location is accessible for you, please come join Rachelle and me in London, meet other locals, talk about personal growth, and make some new friends. And be sure to hug us when you see us — and hug each other too — none of that handshake crap!

Just be aware that I’m American, so according to my travel guide, there’s a high probability that you’ll perceive me as loud, obnoxious, impolite, uncivilized, superficially friendly, and a bit naive.

God save the Queen!

Update May 18th: I’ve been getting feedback from some people who are on the fence about going to Sunday’s London meet-up for various reasons, so let me make it easy for you to decide whether or not to go.

If you’re not sure if this will be worthwhile for you, if it seems too inconvenient, or if there’s something else you’d rather do at that time, then I’d recommend that you skip the meet-up.

Generally the people who go to these meet-ups are delighted to have the chance to connect with other like-minded individuals, and they wouldn’t want to miss it. For these people, the decision to go is pretty obvious and easy — they make it a priority to show up. They might feel a little nervous if they’re not sure what to expect, but they can intuitively sense that it’s important for them to be there. Quite often they experience synchronicities to validate this belief before, during, or after the meet-up.

These meet-ups work best when the people who attend are those who really want to be there. Quality of interaction is a lot more important than the quantity of people who show up. It’s nice to have a big group when possible, and I expect we’ll have a great turnout for London, but I’d rather connect with a dozen people who are delighted to go… as opposed to three dozen where 2/3 of them had to push or drag themselves to show up.

So if you’re going to go, then show up because you really want to meet and interact with other growth-oriented people in London. Please don’t bother going if you’re only capable of attending as social dead weight.

If you consider yourself an introvert or if you feel a bit shy about meeting new people, that’s no problem at all. Since everyone is there to meet new people, I think you’ll find it easy to connect. For the larger meet-ups, people usually break off into smaller groups and have conversations on specific topics that interest them, such as subjective reality, 30-day trials, sleep experiments, creating an online business, etc.

If Sunday rolls around and you’re still on the fence or if you just don’t feel motivated to go, I’d suggest staying home. By opting out when you’re hesitant to participate, you’ll be showing greater respect towards the people who genuinely desire to be there, giving them the chance to interact with other like-minded people who are equally inspired to connect and share.

There’s a special energy created when conscious, growth-oriented people come together and interact with a strong desire to connect. If you’re a match for that kind of experience, then you already know you’re going to show up. But if this sort of thing doesn’t inspire you, then please spend your time doing something that does inspire you, even if it means staying home and watching football.

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Top 3 Reasons Why You Choke Under Pressure

We’ve all experienced it.

Freezing up during an important presentation or speech.

Missing the final free throw or penalty kick that wins the game that matters.

Saying the most foolish things on a big date.

No one is immune. Elementary school kids, professional athletes, politicians, etc. have all choked under pressure. But how do we define choking under pressure? People who are bad at what they do don’t choke under pressure as their poor performance is to be expected. A person chokes when they have full ability to perform well but underperforms in key situations.

So, why do people choke under pressure? And more importantly, how can we prevent it? Here are my theories about this and what I’ve found to be helpful in handling the pressure:

You become a strong performer by putting in thousands of hours of practice.

The point of practice is to outsource skills from your conscious mind to your subconscious mind so you can perform those skills automatically.

We take for granted many of the skills we outsource to our subconscious. Think of something you’re good at and break it down to the individual skills involved. For example, driving, which is automatic for most people, requires many skills. You need mechanical coordination to work the pedals and steering wheel, visual perception to stay in the lane and avoid accidents, and symbol recognition to read road signs and the various gauges on your dashboard. Let’s not forget the processing power to make quick decisions based on all of that information.

Despite having to use these skills simultaneously while driving, we don’t pay any attention to them. Not only that, we can fiddle with the radio, talk with other people, and even eat and drink while still smoothly driving to our destination.

For any skill, the more your subconscious takes over, the better you’ll be (granted you practice the skill properly). All top performers outsource many of their skills to their subconscious. That’s why it looks effortless, because it is.

So why do strong performers choke?

They take conscious control of skills that they have already outsourced to the subconscious.

In key situations, they want to perform well. They want to be their best so they try to “take control” of their actions consciously, which actually ends up sabotaging their performance.

Think of the last time you choked under pressure? Were you “trying hard” to perform well?

Fix: Trust yourself and the time you’ve put in to practice. You are better off letting your subconscious take control. Of course, if you’ve been practicing bad habits, you will automatically perform in a less optimal way whether or not you consciously take control. To practice properly, get a good coach that will give you specific feedback during your practice sessions.

Think back to your best performances. What was going through your mind? You probably can’t remember thinking about anything. You were just in the moment — doing, not thinking.

Throughout our lives, we collect experiences and file them away for future use. Before high-pressure situations, our brain begins to search for similar experiences. It will review the results from similar situations in the past and then project those into the future. That is why those who have choked in the past tend to choke over and over again.

We can even take on other people’s experiences. If your mind is filled with examples of people being nervous and freezing up during a speech, what do you think will happen right before you give your first speech?

When you flashback to the past to predict your future, you don’t take into account all of the training and practice that has happened since then. It is important to recognize that your past experience is obsolete.

So what can you do?

Fix: Mentally rehearse successful outcomes. All memories are reconstructions, and your brain cannot tell which really happened and which were made up. Collecting positive experiences will create a positive future. This will bring confidence as opposed to anxiety and self-doubt.

Another strategy is to stay present – a lesson I learned when I traveled around the world. To focus on the now, pay attention to the input from your five senses. If you’re playing basketball, notice the feel of the basketball in your hand, the sounds on the court, and the faces of your teammates. When your mind is occupied with the now, it won’t slip into the past or the future.

The most common phrase people tell themselves when they have to perform in a high stakes situation is:

“Don’t mess up.”

Whether they’re thinking this or saying it out loud, it usually leads to one result:

Messing up.

When you tell yourself not to do something, you cannot help but to imagine doing it. Some people take it one step further and start “catastrophizing.” They imagine how performing poorly in this one event will destroy their lives. When your whole life is on the line, it’s hard to stay relaxed and perform to your best.

So how do you prevent this?

Fix: Focus on what you want to happen. If you are going on a big date, tell yourself to “be charming” as opposed to “don’t be quiet.”

Deep down, we all want to win and do well. That is natural and normal. Many of us have been brought up to believe that increasing the stakes will make us try harder and, therefore, perform better. I encourage you to do the exact opposite — don’t worry about the results.

Do what you’ve practiced to do and let it happen. If you’ve trained hard enough, you’ll win. If you don’t win, train harder next time. Results are in the past and cannot be changed in the present. Focus on what you can do and not what you should have done.

For those of you who want a reminder to carry with you or memorize, here is the 10-second version to stop or prevent choking in any situation:

Trust your skills and all of the time you spent practicing.Visualize vividly the result you want before your performance.Focus on your five senses to stay in the present during your performance.Let go of the results and decide what you’ll do next.

What strategies do you use to perform at your best under pressure?

If you found this article helpful, share it with others.

You can minimize that bias through the use of a reliable process and make the most of a bad situation: How to Make Decisions Under Pressure

Featured photo credit: The camera captured this very smokey house fire just before it burst into flames. via Shutterstock

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How to Keep Your Balance in High-Pressure Work Environments

If you’re like me, you have gone through more than one instance in which you feel under pressure at work. To be honest, this is more like a daily experience for most of us, rather than just an exception.

In any case, life is short, and complaining about something you can’t change doesn’t help. Don’t try to avoid dealing with the high-pressure situations, as sooner or later you do need to face them.

It is far more useful to learn a few tips that allow you to keep your balance, despite such circumstances.

Reduce your emotional dependence on the external environment. What does this mean? Well, we continuously have a stream of thoughts and emotions that determine how we feel at a certain point in time. Most people are in a reactive mode. If the environment is positive and relaxed, they feel the same. If it’s tensed, then they get stressed. You need to break this pattern! If you stay at the mercy of circumstances, you’ll have a hard time keeping your balance. First of all, realize that you do have a choice. You can choose the way in which you respond to external stimulus. Don’t react immediately. If you create a storm inside yourself, it doesn’t help in better managing the external one. Put things into perspective and keep calm.Develop inner peace rituals. The advice given in the first point is easier said than done. When you find yourself in a stressful environment, it’s difficult to keep calm and not let the toxic energy get to you. In order to make this possible, develop your inner peace rituals. When you feel great and at peace, try to associate that feeling with a song or a gesture. Repeat this process a few times and you will create what is called an anchor. Then, each time you listen to that song or make that gesture, you will find it easier to enter into the state of mind you associate it with. Research NLP if you are interested in more details about this technique.Establish positive relationships. We are social creatures, and reaching out to others during stressful times can be highly beneficial. Whenever possible, try to develop positive relationships with people around you. Spend more time with your friends and with the people that make you feel good. This will ease the tension and will fill you up with positive energy.Don’t get caught into a negative energy spiral. Whenever you feel full of toxic energy, try to do something to shift your mood. Take a break, listen to a song, go for a breath of fresh air, take a look at the picture of someone you love, or close your eyes and visualize a place that makes you feel at peace. Pay attention to what is effective in shifting the way you feel, and then apply that whenever it is needed.Take short breaks to do something you love. How do you feel when you have something pleasant to look forward to? Every once in a while, take short breaks to do something you like a lot. It may be listening to one of your favorite songs or doing 10 minutes of mindfulness meditation. Do whatever works for you, and you will feel refreshed.

The most important thing is to realize that the stressful environment should not dictate the way you feel inside. You do have means to influence the way you feel, in order to keep your balance. Make the most of the tips above at work and put a serene smile on your face!

Today’s employers seem to want more of our time than ever: 10 Keys to Work/Life Balance

Featured photo credit: balance and harmony, yoga on the beach, silhouette via Shutterstock

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11 Tips to Put a Smile on Your Face in Less Than 10 Minutes

Let’s face it! Life will serve you plenty of reasons to be less than happy. But you know what? The time to take control and be a little happier has come!

It doesn’t matter what adversities you need to face. You only have one life, and you’d better make the most of it. The good news is that you can make yourself feel great very easily. Check out the tips below!

Listen to one of your favorite songs. Yes, the world will not crash if you take a few minutes to listen to a song you love. Sing along if there’s no danger to get thrown out of the window by angry colleagues.Think about someone who has had a major positive influence in your life. Close your eyes and allow yourself to be filled with inspiration and positive energy.Feel gratitude! Think about the reasons you have to feel grateful. A lot of things may go south, but you absolutely have a lot of reasons to be thankful.Cherish the sun! Have you noticed what a positive impact good weather has on our mood? It’s magic! So take advantage of this and when you feel down, check the window! Do you see a round and yellow smiling face gazing through? If yes, drop everything and enjoy the sun for 10 minutes.Call someone you love and tell them you love them. It can be anyone you love. I don’t think you need to spend too much time to think about who to call, do you?Drop any expectations you have in the world. We want things to go in a certain way, people to behave in the way we expect them to, and so on. Just put all these expectations aside and allow yourself to get rid of the pressure. For 10 minutes, you are allowed to immerse yourself into freedom and inner peace. And, by the way, since you’re there, you may decide to stay a bit more…Chocolate time. I realize a lot of people watch their calorie intake, and this tip may raise some eyebrows. To note, it is not something to do on a regular basis, but from time to time, just get your favorite chocolate and eat it with no remorse. Forget about carbs, fats, or calories and simply enjoy a sweet moment in time.Do something crazy. Do you always follow the rules? Well, it’s time to get out of your comfort zone and do something crazy — something that you don’t usually do, but that you secretly want to do. Or at least plan it. Don’t worry, it will be our little secret.Lock the door, press play, and dance like there’s no tomorrow. Oh, yes! Let all the negative energy melt away. The walls need to see some crazy moves, so don’t be shy. You can put on your suit and attend that boring meeting afterwards. But now, it’s show time!Get out in the park, in a forest, or close your eyes and memorize the last time you went there. Allow nature to embrace you. Feel the inner peace… and smile!Run at full speed for 10 minutes. If you’re not in good shape, don’t try this, but do some other form of physical activity you are comfortable with. This releases endorphins, and you will feel better instantly.

These are just a few ideas to get you started. I kept the biggest tip for the end though: don’t look for reasons to smile outside, but inside yourself. Better yet, if you don’t find any, create them! It only takes a few minutes.

Ever noticed how hard it is to find a good picture of yourself?: How to Smile Naturally without Looking Creepy

Featured photo credit: Mundoo via Flickr

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16 Sneaky Ways You Sabotage Your Own Happiness (And What To Do About It)

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5 Steps to Instantly Connect More Deeply with Anyone and Everyone

Connection with other people is one of the most important aspects of life, but when you’re not connecting, it can be hard to figure out what’s going wrong. Whether it’s with friends, family members, co-workers, or kids, the following five steps will help you quickly move from feeling isolated and disconnected to being able to create deep and meaningful connections no matter who’s in front of you.

One of the things I notice when I’m feeling disconnected from others is that I’m usually also feeling sad, anxious, or angry. The reason I’m disconnected is because I’ve been avoiding the natural connection that is easily available when I’m present and enjoying life.

So, the first thing to do when you find yourself out of sorts is to stop, take some deep breaths, and notice what’s going on inside of you. When we can tune in to our own emotional world, or physical sensations in our bodies, or anxiety-producing thoughts that keep swirling in our minds, we’re much better able to put those thoughts, feelings or sensations into perspective. Rather than determining our experience, these things are simply a part of our experience and can be either dealt with in the moment or put aside until later, allowing us to be more present and available for connection.

After tuning in, it’s much easier to “find your center” or discover your unmoving sense of self. For instance, when I’m feeling sad, I disconnect and sulk, but when I notice I’m feeling sad, I’m able to say to myself, “I’m feeling sad right now, but I am not my sadness. I am generally a joyful person who cares a lot about others. My kind and loving heart is the core of who I am.” Ahhh, that feels MUCH better.

Now that you’ve discovered what’s happening with you that has been keeping you away from connection with others, it’s time to make yourself more available by making eye contact. When we avoid connection, we often avoid eye contact. That’s because the eyes really are like windows to the soul.

When we make eye contact, a LOT of information is transmitted from one person to another. I’m sure you’ve had the experience of looking into someone’s eyes and suddenly thinking, “I know exactly how this person is feeling.” Sometimes we’re right and sometimes we’re wrong, but by making eye contact we make our selves vulnerable and available in a way that we just aren’t when we look down or away.

If you find extended eye contact difficult, go back to step one, breathe, relax, and tune in to your own thoughts and feelings and then when you’re ready to connect again, resume eye contact. Sometimes just taking a deep breath is enough to help me relax enough to maintain eye contact.

One more thing about eye contact: don’t try to look at both eyes at once or to give each eye equal time. Instead, just decide to look into one eye without shifting your gaze. I usually use the left eye, but that’s just my personal preference. By choosing one eye and maintaining steady but relaxed eye contact, the other person knows that you’re available and ready to connect.

Now put your attention on the other person. Really take a moment to stop thinking about what you’re about to say or where you’re headed next, or what the other person is thinking about you and actually pay attention to the person across from you. Get curious about what the other person is experiencing. Is she feeling sad, hurt, or happy? Is he distracted by the television in the room? Does the energy of the conversation seem to change when he talks about his dad?

By noticing some of the subtle shifts in the conversation and then checking in about them, you can quickly move from small talk into a deeper connection. For example, perhaps you and a co-worker are talking about the weather:

Y: “Wow, it’s freezing out there! The wind is really blowing!”

T: “I know! I almost slipped on some ice on my way to work this morning. It’s a good thing my mom isn’t planning on running any errands today. She broke her hip last winter.”

Y: “You know, I could really feel how much you care about and want to protect your mom when you shared that. Was it a bad break?”

T: “Yeah, it took months to heal and definitely took a toll on the whole family. We’re used to Mom taking care of us, not the other way around.”

Y: “I bet it’s scary to see the tables turning as your parents get older. I’m going through that too, and it’s so disconcerting to see my parents need more and more help as they age. I wish they could stay young and healthy forever.”

Now that you’ve connected and empathized, make sure to keep things moving in a positive direction. You want to connect, but you don’t want to see this person in the hall a few days later and think about what a dark, heavy conversation you had. Instead, you want to leave the other person feeling appreciated and remembering what an enjoyable conversation it was.

Even dark or heavy topics can still feel enjoyable if you practice appreciation during the conversation. Take the above example, can you see where Y was appreciating and enjoying T’s love for his mom?

When we can genuinely appreciate and enjoy the person we’re connecting with, they feel seen and accepted and want to continue to connect further.

If you’re having trouble enjoying a particular person, just try to find one thing to appreciate about them in that moment. Maybe their hair smells nice, or you like their smile, or the sound of their voice reminds you of your favorite uncle. By focusing on the thing you enjoy, your appreciation will come through naturally without additional effort on your part.

One of the pitfalls of wanting deeper connection with people is that we can get stuck in a mode of thinking that “deeper connection” has to look and feel a certain way. Let me assure you, it doesn’t. When we can let go of any attachments we might have to a conversation going a certain way, and simply enjoy where it’s going organically, we take the pressure off and allow for much more fun and connection.

And, by showing that you’re not dead set on discovering their deepest darkest secret or uncovering some childhood trauma, you’re inviting a level of openness and vulnerability that the other person is comfortable with. That will ultimately lead to more spontaneous sharing that is much more likely to result to an ongoing deepening of connection.

Having fun is a great way to connect with others and it’s a wonderful indicator of whether you’ll want to continue this connection into the future. If it’s no fun, you probably won’t want to do it again.

So, those are my five steps to connect more deeply with anyone and everyone. I would love to know your thoughts, please share a story or comment below.

And have a fabulous day, Shelly

How you can add a significant amount of depth, and thus strength, to your relationships: 5 Ways to Build Stronger Relationships

Featured photo credit: Beautiful butterfly sitting on the girl hand via Shutterstock

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10 Quick Fixes for Creating Space in a Cluttered Home Office

While the tendency to clutter your corporate office desk with stray papers and food wrappers is easy, imagine adding bills, letters, junk mail, kids toys and, you never know, even a cat to the mix. This is the reality of working from home.

Sadly not everyone has the luxury of knocking through walls to create a vast home office. You get just one room in the family home and, often, not a very big one at that. This makes keeping the space clutter free even more important. A messy environment creates a messy mind and can turn your professional sanctuary into a disordered space where you struggle to boost your output.

There are, however, ten very simple things you can do to create more space in your home office in no time at all.

Image credit: Home Decorators Collection

One of the things I notice in more disordered home offices is the size and state of the desks inside them. Often intentionally too big for the room so an abundance of papers, documents and other items can be stored alongside a computer and keyboard, they can quickly sap up any spare space. Smaller desks don’t have to mean less space though, especially if you buy one that incorporates a roll-out shelf for your keyboard and mouse, storage drawers and room underneath for a bin and/or paper shredder. Not only will all of your essentials still be in one place, but stored safely away from the main hub of your desk and organised into their own unimposing spaces.

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Unless you’re a designer who relies on a larger computer screen to complete their work, it’s worth switching to a trim laptop to create more desk space. In addition to leaving more room for you to spread out when working, laptops use eight times less power than desktops and will save on your electricity bill in the long run.

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Anything that’s rolling around loosely on your desk is instantly going to make your home office look more cluttered, no matter how small it is. In addition, imagine how frustrating it will be when you’re trying to work with all of those pens and pencils getting in the way. Investing in a simple desk organiser can work wonders, and they’re available in a variety of styles to suit every kind of home office.

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Loose wires can quickly get out of control and, as well as looking unsightly, can become a safety hazard. Tying them up, getting a desk that incorporates cable management, or strategically hiding wires behind things like bookshelves all work wonders.

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Before you sit down to some serious work, take some time to walk around your office and discard every unnecessary item you can find. Throw away or shred unimportant documents, give old office décor you’re no longer fond of to a charity shop and put any stray food items back in the kitchen. Anything you don’t need while you’re working should be removed, which also goes for distractions. Game consoles and televisions have no place in a home office.

Image credit: Jennifer Daigle Blogspot

While throwing out old bits of paper and junk documents goes a long way in creating space, you shouldn’t neglect your office décor too. Designing a workspace at home is fun, and when something that’s completely you catches your eye in a shop, it can be difficult to pass it by. If you simply have to buy it, then get rid of something already in your office, and that you haven’t used or liked as much over the past six months to stop items building up.

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Not all clutter is rubbish, and sometimes you might not want to throw out all those inspiring magazine pages or images. So why not make a feature out of them? Creating a pin board or mural out of items like these is an increasingly popular trend, you can even pin important notes up there too to free up more desk space. In addition, go for tall bookcases, recessed shelving or floating shelves rather than wide storage to utilise an empty wall without taking up valuable floor space.

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The shadows and atmosphere cast by dull and gloomy rooms doesn’t just impact your mood, but actually makes a home office appear smaller. Decorating in neutral colours is one of the best ways to open up a smaller space by reflecting natural light and making it appear brighter. This doesn’t mean you have to stick to white paint though – robin’s egg blue, light grey, beige, cream, pastel green and off-white all look great and are a subtle way to include more adventurous colours.

Image credit: Minimal Desks

While the home offices featured on interior design blogs incorporate bookshelves, chairs, coffee tables and sofas to stunning effect, the reality is that many of these spaces are considerably larger than your average home office. While a home office does have to be as attractive as it is functional to make working in there enjoyable, over furnishing for stylistic reasons will only make the room feel claustrophobic. Plus, simply filling it with really essential furniture will look much more aesthetically pleasing than if it was full to bursting.

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Your home office is for working in, so try not to let other areas of your life intrude. Deal with junk mail and bills in a separate room, keep out kids toys and dirty crockery and leave any leisure or “down time” items like televisions and books elsewhere. Once other areas of your life start creeping into your home office, it’ll quickly become disordered.

As you can see, a small home office doesn’t have to look as compact as it actually is. Creating the illusion of more space with these simple tips is a sure-fire way of not just opening out the room, but making yourself more productive in the process. Remember, an orderly space makes for an orderly mind.

Do you have any of your own tricks for creating space in a cluttered home office?

What puts you in a productive mood?: 10 Hacks to Improve Your Home Office Productivity

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The ‘unnamed feeling’ named ASMR

Here’s my BBC Future column from last week. It’s about the so-called Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response, which didn’t have a name until 2010 and I’d never heard of until 2012. Now, I’m finding out that it is surprisingly common. The original is here.

It’s a tightening at the back of the throat, or a tingling around your scalp, a chill that comes over you when you pay close attention to something, such as a person whispering instructions. It’s called the autonomous sensory meridian response, and until 2010 it didn’t exist.

I first heard about the autonomous sensory meridian response (ASMR) from British journalist Rhodri Marsden. He had become mesmerised by intentionally boring videos he found on YouTube, things like people explaining how to fold towels, running hair dryers or role-playing interactions with dentists. Millions of people were watching the videos, reportedly for the pleasurable sensations they generated.

Rhodri asked my opinion as a psychologist. Could this be a real thing? “Sure,” I said. If people say they feel it, it has to be real – in some form or another. The question is what kind of real is it? Are all these people experiencing the same thing? Is it learnt, or something we are born with? How common is it? Those are the kind of questions we’d ask as psychologists. But perhaps the most interesting thing about the ASMR is what happened to it before psychologists put their minds to it.

Presumably the feeling has existed for all of human history. Each person discovered the experience, treasured it or ignored it, and kept the feeling to themselves. That there wasn’t a name for it until 2010 suggests that most people who had this feeling hadn’t talked about it. It’s amazing that it got this far without getting a name. In scientific terms, it didn’t exist.

But then, of course, along came the 21st Century and, like they say, even if you’re one in a million there’s thousands of you on the internet. Now there’s websites, discussion forums, even a Wikipedia page. And a name. In fact, many names – “Attention Induced Euphoria”, “braingasm”, or “the unnamed feeling” are all competing labels that haven’t caught on in the same way as ASMR.

This points to something curious about the way we create knowledge, illustrated by a wonderful story about the scientific history of meteorites. Rocks falling from the sky were considered myths in Europe for centuries, even though stories of their fiery trails across the sky, and actual rocks, were widely, if irregularly reported. The problem was that the kind of people who saw meteorites and subsequently collected them tended to be the kind of people who worked outdoors – that is, farmers and other country folk. You can imagine the scholarly minds of the Renaissance didn’t weigh too heavily on their testimonies. Then in 1794 a meteorite shower fell on the town of Siena in Italy. Not only was Siena a town, it was a town with a university. The testimony of the townsfolk, including well-to-do church ministers and tourists, was impossible to deny and the reports written up in scholarly publications. Siena played a crucial part in the process of myth becoming fact.

Where early science required authorities and written evidence to turn myth into fact, ASRM shows that something more democratic can achieve the same result. Discussion among ordinary people on the internet provided validation that the unnamed feeling was a shared one. Suddenly many individuals who might have thought of themselves as unusual were able to recognise that they were a single group, with a common experience.

There is a blind spot in psychology for individual differences. ASMR has some similarities with synaesthesia (the merging of the senses where colours can have tastes, for example, or sounds produce visual effects). Both are extremes of normal sensation, which exist for some individuals but not others. For many years synaesthesia was a scientific backwater, a condition viewed as unproductive to research, perhaps just the product of people’s imagination rather than a real sensory phenomenon. This changed when techniques were developed that precisely measured the effects of synaesthesia, demonstrating that it was far more than people’s imagination. Now it has its own research community, with conferences and papers in scientific journals.

Perhaps ASMR will go the same way. Some people are certainly pushing for research into it. As far as I know there are no systematic scientific studies on ASMR. Since I was quoted in that newspaper article, I’ve been contacted regularly by people interested in the condition and wanting to know about research into it. When people hear that their unnamed feeling has a name they are drawn to find out more, they want to know the reality of the feeling, and to connect with others who have it. Something common to all of us wants to validate our inner experience by having it recognised by other people, and in particular by the authority of science. I can’t help – almost all I know about ASMR is in this column you are reading now. For now all we have is a name, but that’s progress.

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