How To Be A Good Listener That Others Want To Talk To

Do you want to be a good listener that others want to talk to? Being a good listener does not come easy for some of us. It takes time, practice and dedication. What comes to your mind when you think about listening to a friend or co-worker? Do you find yourself thinking about what you want to say in response to what they have said or are you fully engaged with what they are talking about? When it comes to connecting with others, it’s all about consciously listening to them and the information that they are sharing with you.

When it comes to being a good listener, it’s important for you to have eye contact with the other person. It shows that you are paying attention and engaged with the conversation. When you don’t have eye contact with the other person, it shows that you don’t care and are not interested in what they have to say. Practice having eye contact with the next person you have a conversation with.

For you to be a good listener, you need to find out the “Why” and “What.” Why are they talking to you and what is the message they are trying to share with you? Being a good listener takes practice and when you are able to practice finding out the “Why and “What” of the other person, you will be much more engaged in the conversation.

It’s easy for us to think about what we want to say after the other person has stopped talking. This will not make you a better listener. If you are constantly thinking about your response, you will always miss out on carefully listening to the other person. Focus on what they have to say. Find out the “Why” and “What” and maintain eye contact. Once the other person stops talking, then think about your response. But while you are listening, you must be consciously listening with your ears. A lot of times, when we listen to people, we are thinking within our brain what we want to say rather than opening our ears and purely listening to their message.

We live in a society that is filled with so many distractions. We are constantly listening to so much noise that it’s a challenge to truly listen to another person. In order for you to be a good listener, you need to limit distractions during your conversation, whether it be the television, telephones or interruptions. It takes a mental decision to limit distractions when you are listening to someone else. How can you possibly be a good listener if you have the television blasting or you phone continues to ring? It would be near to impossible to be a good listener with these distractions. Limit as much interruptions as you can when you are listening to someone else. This not only shows them that you care but you are practicing good social skills.

Engage yourself in the conversation. Being engaged is showing your attention towards the other person. Let the other person know that they have your attention and focus. When you are not engaged in the conversation, the other person will notice and will most likely not want to talk to you again. Show the other person that you care about them and are interested in what they have to say. One way you can show this is by responding with a short comment, such as  ”Yes” or “I understand.” This expresses to the other person that you are truly listening. Make sure that you allow the other person to primarily do the talking while you are still engaged.

Want to communicate better? Read these tips: 9 Tips to Improve Your Communication Skills

Featured photo credit: Two Young Women on a Bench at Park via Shutterstock

Tiffany Mason is a Professional Life Coach. Personal Development and Relationship Expert. As the owner of Mason Coaching and Consulting, she uses her expertise by helping busy women who feel disconnected in their life and marriage unleash their inner being and feminine essence in order to live a truly fulfilling and rewarding life. Visit Tiffanymason.com for a FREE audio series!

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How To Become A Social Media Listener In 5 Easy Steps

A few days ago a friend of mine posted (on Google+) that nobody is listening on Twitter anymore. He offered his specific help to promote someone’ blog post there but got no answer. Obviously, because the other part wasn’t even listening. This story made me think about how people are consuming social media.

Nobody will question that the biggest trend is to be a “broadcaster”. Use social media to promote your business, to enhance your brand, to increase sales. That’s what everybody and their mothers are teaching you nowadays. There’s so much noise in this area that it’s almost impossible to discern useful information from gibberish. That’s why many people entering in social media have really overwhelming experiences.

I’ve been there too. I had my fair share of learning “how to influence people using social media“. But after having enough, a new trend in consuming this type of interaction emerged. Namely, I became a listener. And it took me only a few weeks to realize that the benefits of being an honest listener instead of an obsessed broadcaster are far more interesting than I thought.

For instance, I can easily get access to trends. I gave up TV a few years ago and I don’t consume news in the traditional media form. But my need to stay informed didn’t disappear, on the contrary, so I just use social media to see what are the directions, who are taking the lead and what other people are saying about that.

Also, by constantly perusing my social media stream I grow what I like to call ”my filtering muscles“. I learned how to easily identify what is important from what is just meaningless repetition. And that proved to be extremely beneficial in other areas too, like casual social conversation. I can easily spot a lazy conversational partner and sparkle the interaction, if need will be. People seldom get bored while talking to me. Or so the rumor goes, anyway…

But maybe the most important benefit of being a listener is that you get access to a lot of actionable information in your field. Promotions, events, new groups or things like these can be easily spotted and taken advantage of if you’re constantly keeping your eyes on the right streams. All you have to do is listen.

So, how can you become an effective social media listener?

Pretty much every important social media platform has this feature nowadays. You can organize your stream in smaller chunks. If you have a really big social media window, it will take some time to put it into ”folders“. But in my experience this will really pay off in the long run.

Also, as you grow the list of people you follow, do take the time to add them to their specific group, circle or list too. In time, their messages will become more consistent and it will also be a way for you to identify if that area really benefits you or not.

Don’t do it everywhere, anytime. It’s not working. I know, because I used to do it like this: on the computer, in my backyard looking at my iPhone or on the couch, scratching my iPad. The message will get diluted and the initial thrill of interacting will rapidly fade away.

Instead, schedule some time for some specific list or topic and then drill down all the way to where you were last time you checked it. Dive in, immerse and try to get the most of it. Don’t give in to the thrill of interaction instantly, Just follow a fixed routine and let the results grow slowly.

This is not action. This is interaction: you’ll send a powerful message that you’re there, that you’re listening and that what the other part says is important to you. Also, be careful what you respond, with whom you’re engaging in and what do you really expect out of this.

Sometimes it will just be a casual information, but most of the time, after I started a thoughtful conversation on social media with somebody I was looking forward to do it for a long time, well, it ended with at least a constant and solid relationship, if not with some real life business stuff too.

Do this on requests, events or just facts. Ask around if there’s any change or if everything will go as planned. If somebody plans a launch, be there and help but also clearly state your implication in that project. If there will be a meetup, confirm your presence and the logistical details.

That activity will prove that you’re there. That you’re alive and you’re having at least some simple synapses. People hate talking to robots, you know. So just by showing that you’re there and you’re interested in something, chances that you’ll ignite a solid interaction will grow exponentially.

I know this sounds utterly unproductive, but it isn’t. At least in the beginning. Do a daily writeup, sketch something in your journal or draw a mind map. Again, do this at least in the beginning. As your interactions will grow both in numbers and depth, you will find less and less useful to write down what happened.

But, as any other journaling activity, it will help you understand not only what is really going on out there (for instance, are they only posting boring links or stupid cats videos?) but also what are your real expectations. Are you happy with the time spent there? Just be honest.

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If you really take the time to look around, you’ll realize that social media is not just a noisy marketplace where you got to strive to make your voice heard at any price. It’s also a space of information, discovery and inspiration.

In the end, like in any other area of life, it all depends on what you really want to make out of it.

Dragos Roua is a serial online entrepreneur, personal development fanatic, blogger, father, dreamer, and risk taker. Maker of the iAdd iPhone / iPad app. Author of Natural Productivity - Assess, Decide, Do productivity book (also available on Amazon, Kindle and iBookStore). Full time blogger at DragosRoua.com. Find him on Google+. Think happiness is a process, not a goal.

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