The Thinking Habit That Changed My Life

I remember one evening, when my life was pretty different and I was overweight and deeply in debt and a smoker and had such a hard time changing things … I wasn’t feeling too good about my life.

I felt horrible about myself, and wondered why I was stuck. I felt hopeless and helpless, and generally depressed about the state of things around me.

Then I looked up at the sky, and saw the stars set in a deep blue-black canvas. And I thought, what a miracle life is.

And I resolved to mentally list the things I had in my life that were good.

My list of good things was something like this:

I had a wonderful wifeI had 5 amazing children (now 6)I had loving parents and siblings and grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousinsI wasn’t sickI had a jobI had decent shelter and foodMy family was healthyI could see, and appreciate the beauty of the world around meI could taste delicious foodI had great books to read

The list went on, but you get the idea. Even when things seemed horrible for me, actually I was OK. And more than that, I had some amazing blessings in my life.

That night I resolved to count my blessings more often. I resolved to be grateful for what I had, for the people in my life.

I started the habit of gratitude.

Now, this seems like a trivial and maybe trite and hokey thing to many people. I’m here to tell you that it’s not trivial, and as trite/hokey as it may seem, it changes lives.

Here’s what happened to me, as I changed my thinking from one of negativity, to one of gratitude:

I appreciated my wife Eva more, and told her so, and felt good about having her in my life, and we deepened our relationship.I also appreciated my kids more, and instead of getting mad at them so much, I would notice their lovingness, their curiosity, their humor and playfulness.I appreciated my other loved ones more, and while I don’t always tell them how grateful I am for them, I do think it a lot, and do tell them much more often now.I was kinder to others around me, at work and everywhere else, because instead of seeing the faults in everyone, I saw the good, and was grateful for them.I needed less, because instead of thinking about what I don’t have, I was grateful for what I did have.Little things bothered me less, because instead of complaining about every little thing, I would find things to be thankful for.I appreciated nature all around me, smaller things that I might have missed before, beauty in everything.Habit change became easier, because instead of focusing on how hard the change was, I found the joy in the changes, and joy in seeing myself overcome challenges.Each and every moment became cause for gratitude, and living in the present became easier.

The list goes on and on, but each of these things is incredibly powerful. Not trite. Not hokey. Pure wonder.

So how do you pick up this habit? It’s interesting, because so much of our lives is spent in unconscious mental habits. Without knowing it, we complain, we nitpick, we stress about little faults, we see the bad in people and situations. Changing that doesn’t happen immediately.

But. You can change a little at a time. Start with a small gratitude session, and really be thankful. Really feel the happiness that something or someone is in your life.

Take a moment to make a list, right now, of the things in your life you’re thankful for. You just might be looking back on this moment years later, as the moment your entire life changed.

If you’d like help forming the gratitude habit, please join us in the Sea Change Program — this month we’re working on the Be Grateful Module, forming the gratitude habit a little bit each day.

I offer a few articles and a live webinar on the topic, along with forums and accountability groups to help you stick to this (or any other) habit.

Join us now: the Sea Change Program

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30sec Tip: Do You Spend Too Much Time on Reading and Thinking?

Don’t just read and think. Work out problems and apply them to reality.

You have a deadline looming. However, instead of doing your work, you are fiddling with miscellaneous things like checking email, social media, watching videos, surfing blogs and forums. You know you should be working, but you just don’t feel like doing anything.

We are all familiar with the procrastination phenomenon. When we procrastinate, we squander away our free time and put off important tasks we should be doing them till it’s too late. And when it is indeed too late, we panic and wish we got started earlier. The chronic procrastinators I know have spent years of their life looped in this cycle. Delaying, putting off things, slacking, hiding from work, facing work only when it’s unavoidable, then repeating this loop all over again. It’s a bad habit that eats us away and prevents us from achieving greater results in life.

Don’t let procrastination take over your life. Here, I will share my personal steps which I use to overcome procrastination with great success. These 11 steps will definitely apply to you too:

11 Practical Ways To Stop Procrastination

Featured photo credit: opened book with landscape - lying on yellow grass on sunset via Shutterstock Brian is a Lifehacker who covers all sorts of tips for life. He is also fascinated with new technology. Contact Brian at brian@lifehack.org, Google+

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Are You Too Scared to Write? Stop Thinking and Just Do It

It has taken me over 15 years to get back to writing and start taking it seriously.

I have been reading and writing since I was barely out of diapers. And yet I never dared to think of myself as a writer. “God, no I can’t be one of those,” I thought. I allowed my fears of writing to rule my life, to make me not even admit to myself that I was doing the same job that writers do.

My fears took the form of excuses, but they still were fears in disguise. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of being accused of
impersonating someone I was not. Do you relate to any of these?

All of my life, I thought I was a mediocre writer – that my work was not worthy of being made public.

For one, I wrote in a very ‘bloggish’ style. A conversational style that has been made popular by the likes of Golden’s Memoirs of a Geisha , Gilbert’s Eat, Pray, Love and David Nicholl’s One Day. Twenty years ago, I couldn’t find any books that would say to me “your style is valid too”; colloquial is good.

Writing in a personal, conversational style where it feels like you are having an intimate conversation with your reader is not only perfectly valid but highly sought after. The stronger your voice is and the more opinionated you are, the more interesting writer you will become.

I wish somebody had told me 10 years ago. I wish somebody had told me to stop comparing my writing with others.

What has been keeping you from calling yourself a writer?

Is it a different sort of style, love of genre or form? Whatever it is, embrace it and work it.

Writing is about voice, personality and delivery, not the placement of your em-dash. (Which I love to use by the way). People are looking for honesty, not perfect prose, which means you have all the creativity you need.

Banish perfection and hone your craft. Remember imperfect is interesting. Doubt is good – it helps you steer in revision.

Sit down, start writing and don’t think. That’s all you need to do to write. Don’t think – just write.

Feed your brain. Read, observe, participate, live.

Record your ideas: a small writing pad and a small writing device are your best friend. You can lug them around and there is no excuse to be two feet away from one at any time. My best ideas come when I am doing the dishes or about to fall asleep. Both are not ideal. If I couldn’t touch some sort of notebook when I reached for it, I’d lose all sleep.

Get rid of distraction: turn off the Internet, your phone, and TV. Disappear for a while in your writing. And you will amazed and how much work you can accomplish.

You need what you need to know. You don’t need 50 personal and writing books to tell you that. They make you feel like you are not creative enough, organized enough, fit enough, clever enough. You are all those things. Have you lived a life? If so, that qualifies you to write.

There is only one thing you need to write – you need to have a life. Write about what you have lived through – tell your own stories.

It’s very simple. All you need are a few things:

A quiet place to sit.A paper and pencil or computer.Ability to be by yourself for a while.Willingness to explore yourself.

What you DON’T need:

An expensive education or writing degree.Expensive stationary and office supplies etc.Expensive computers and software.Anything new.

Writing is a communal act – you don’t do it alone.

Don’t fret if your family gives you blank stares when you suddenly announce, “I want to write.” Don’t lose hope when your partner doesn’t break into a dance of joy upon hearing this good news.

Don’t be offended if your friends nod their heads politely, while keeping an eye on their kids chasing each other at the park, or trying to kill someone. It’s very unlikely that you will find support among your family and friends – unless you are incredibly lucky. Give them time, let the news sink in, for both your sakes. Remember they are new at this too; they will eventually come around.

Go on on an active hunt for like minded people.

Have you been following any writers’ blogs? Read the ones that offer courage and inspiration to keep you going as you hone your craft. They will keep you motivated. Even better, start a blog of your own if you haven’t already.

Go to the local library and find reading or writing groups. Join an online book group where all the “book obsessed” hang out. Attend live readings. If you are too shy to do these things, join anyway and lurk. Speak up when you have the courage. Don’t talk about your work for now – just listen.

All in all, remember these 3 rules:

1. Stop thinking.

2. Start writing.

3. Don’t think about it.

Be interesting and you will make your writing interesting. Write honestly and passionately and learn along the way. That’s how all the famous ones do it!

Which fear of writing is stopping you from writing? Do share in the comments below.

(Photo credit: An open old book by the candlelight via Shutterstock)

Marya is a communicator of ideas - writing for bloggers, writers and content creators. Catch more of her posts at Writing Happiness. Grab her FREE 29 page ebook How to Write Blog Content that Works - Get Noticed Online (and elsewhere!). Follow her @WritingH, she is very friendly. :)

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How to Kill Your Painful Habit of Wishful Thinking

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What are babies really thinking? Alison Gopnik on TED.com

“Babies and young children are like the R&D division of the human species,” says psychologist Alison Gopnik. Her research explores the sophisticated intelligence-gathering and decision-making that babies are really doing when they play. (Recorded at TEDGlobal 2011, July 2011, in Edinburgh, Scotland. Duration: 18:29.)

Watch Alison Gopnik’s talk on TED.com, where you can download it, rate it, comment on it and find other talks and performances from our archive of 1,000+ TEDTalks.

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Human pheromones: wishful thinking

Slate has a fantastic article about the science of scents and why ‘attraction-boosting’ human pheromone products are selling nothing but myths.

The article takes a curious look at the history of misapplied pheromone research and how it’s been used to sell everything from aftershave to soap.

“The whole pheromone thing got picked up by the mass media,” says Richard Doty, director of the University of Pennsylvania’s Smell and Taste Research Center and author of The Great Pheromone Myth. It feeds into our need to believe, he said, that there “is all this subliminal stuff going on that is affecting us—who we mate with, who we want to be with. It’s this mythical perspective.” And marketers, like women’s magazines, are only too happy to exploit that myth. That’s how a whole junk-science industry of pheromone-perfumes, pheromone-soaps, and pheromone-cosmetics managed to spring up from a strange menagerie of misconstrued mammal studies.

Personally, I’ve always believed in the power of the scent of raw man, which, I have discovered, is surprisingly under-appreciated.

Link to Slate article on the pheromone hype.

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The Magic of Thinking Big

Dr. David J. Schwartz, an expert on motivation, will help you sell better, manage better, earn more money,and -- most important of all -- find greater happiness and peace ofmind.The Magic of Thinking Big gives you methods and a programfor getting the most out of your job, your marriage and family life,and your community. He proves that you don t need to be an intellectualor have innate talent to attain great success and satisfaction -- butyou do need to learn and understand the habit of thinking and behavingin ways that will get you there. Believe you can succeed and you will Cure yourself of the fear of failure Think and dream creatively You are what you think you are Make your attitudes your allies Learn how to think positively Turn defeat into victory Use goals to help you grow Think like a leader Publisher: Simon amp Schuster 1987 Author: Dr. David J. Schwartz Format: 320 pages, paperback ISBN: 9780671646783

Price: $14.95

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This Is What I Know So Far: 8 Principles For Positive Thinking

This Is What I Know So Far: 8 Principles For Positive Thinking by Pat Evans and Cassandra McShepard, lifecoaches, motivational speakers and hosts of internet radio's "That's What I'm Talkin' About" on TalkZone.com. This powerful CD offers smart and witty thoughts on daily life that educate, enlighten and empower. Pat and Cassandra share stimulating, thought- provoking and helpful methods on life and living from their own personal experiences. Their down-to-earth style and real-life skills offer insightful and intelligent strategies that anyone can learn from! Offering easy-listening, yet saavy talk and a "take-it-to-the-next-level" attitude makes this a "must-have" motivational message for your collection!

This product is manufactured on demand using CD-R recordable media. Amazon.com's standard return policy will apply.

Price: $24.95

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Optimal Thinking: The next step past positive thinking Video [VHS]

This program provides you with the essential mental tool to optimize your life with minimum effort. Optimal Thinking truly empowers you to be your best and bring out the best in others. It stops you from settling for second best!

Discover where traditional positive thinking falls short, minimize these shortcomings, and learn how to simply function at your peak in business and personal relationships!

What's most exciting about Optimal Thinking is that everybody can use it. It doesn't matter what stage of life you are in, or in what circumstance you find yourself - you can use Optimal Thinking to instantly make the most of your life.

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Personal and Spiritual Development (Thinking Allowed)

Conversations on the edge of knowledge and discovery. Four complete programs on one tape. Waking Up with Charles Tart; The Practice of Meditation with Jack Kornfield; Personality Development and the Psyche with Helen Palmer; and Spiritual Training with Irina Tweedie. Each talk is about 30 minutes. 2 hours total.

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