12 Indispensable Mindful Living Tools

The focus of my life in recent months has been living mindfully, and while I don’t always remember to do that, I have learned a few things worth sharing.

The first is a mindful life is worth the effort. It’s a life where we awaken from the dream state we’re most often submerged in — the state of having your mind anywhere but the present moment, locked in thoughts about what you’re going to do later, about something someone else said, about something you’re stressing about or angry about. The state of mind where we’re lost in our smartphones and social media.

It’s worth the effort, because being awake means we’re not missing life as we walk through it. Being awake means we’re conscious of what’s going on inside us, as it happens, and so can make more conscious choices rather than acting on our impulses all the time.

The second thing I’ve learned is that we forget. We forget, over and over, to be awake. And that’s OK. Being mindful is a process of forgetting, and then remembering. Repeatedly. Just as breathing is a process of exhaling, and then inhaling, repeatedly.

The third is that mindful living isn’t just one thing. It’s not just meditation. Nor is it just focusing on the sensations around you, right now in this moment. I’ve found mindful living to be a set of very related tools, perhaps all different ways of getting at the same thing, but each useful in its own regard.

I’ll share them in this post, and hope that you’ll consider each in turn.

Why bother to spend the time learning these tools? Is it just for some ideal of living a peaceful, stress-free life?

No. A stress-free life doesn’t exist, but these tools will definitely make you more prepared to deal with the stresses that will inevitably come your way.

But just as importantly, they’ll help you overcome the fear of failure and fear of discomfort that’s holding you back, that’s keeping you from making positive changes in your life.

These tools will help you launch your new blog, start a business, write a book, put out your first music album online, find your purpose in life, become the person you’ve always wanted to be.

This is what I’ve found. I’m certain you’ll find these tools just as useful.

This list, of course, is not complete. It’s a collection of things I’ve been learning about, and am still practicing, things I’ve found useful enough to share.

Meditation. Meditation is where mindful living starts. And it’s not complicated: you can sit still for even just 1 minute a day to start with (work up to 3-5 minutes after a week), and turn your attention to your body and then your breath. Notice when your thoughts wander from your breath, and gently return to the breath. Repeat until the minute is up.Be Awake. Meditation is practice for being awake, which is not being in the dream state (mind wandering into a train of thought, getting lost in the online world, thinking about past offenses, stressing about the future, etc.) but being awake to the present, to what is. Being awake is something you can do throughout the day, all the time, if you remember. Remembering is the trick.Watch Urges. When I quit smoking in 2005, the most useful tool I learned was watching my urges to smoke. I would sit there and watch the urge rise and fall, until it was gone, without acting on it. It taught me that I am not my urges, that I don’t have to act on my urges, and this helped me change all my other habits. Watch your urge to check email or social media, to eat something sweet or fried, to drink alcohol, to watch TV, to be distracted, to procrastinate. These urges will come and go, and you don’t have to act on them.Watch Ideals. We all have ideals, all the time. We have an ideal that our day will go perfectly, that people will be kind and respectful to us, that we will be perfect, that we’ll ace an exam or important meeting, that we’ll never fail. Of course, we know from experience that those ideals are not real, that they don’t come true, that they aren’t realistic. But we still have them, and they cause our stress and fears and grief over something/someone we’ve lost. By letting go of ideals, we can let go of our suffering.Accept People & Life As They Are. When I stopped trying to change a loved one, and accepted him for who he was, I was able to just be with him and enjoy my time with him. This acceptance has the same effect for anything you do — accept a co-worker, a child, a spouse, but also accept a “bad” situation, an unpleasant feeling, an annoying sound. When we stop trying to fight the way things are, when we accept what is, we are much more at peace.Let Go of Expectations. This is really the same thing as the previous two items, but I’ve found it useful nonetheless. It’s useful to watch your expectations with an upcoming situation, with a new project or business, and see that it’s not real and that it’s causing you stress and disappointment. We cause our own pain, and we can relieve it by letting go of the expectations that are causing it. Toss your expectations into the ocean.Become OK with Discomfort. The fear of discomfort is huge — it causes people to be stuck in their old bad habits, to not start the business they want to start, to be stuck in a job they don’t really like, because we tend to stick to the known and comfortable rather than try something unknown and uncomfortable. It’s why many people don’t eat vegetables or exercise, why they eat junk, why they don’t start something new. But we can be OK with discomfort, with practice. Start with things that are a little uncomfortable, and keep expanding your comfort zone.Watch Your Resistance. When you try to do something uncomfortable, or try to give up something you like or are used to, you’ll find resistance. But you can just watch the resistance, and be curious about it. Watch your resistance to things that annoy you — a loud sound that interrupts your concentration, for example. It’s not the sound that’s the problem, it’s your resistance to the sound. The same is true of resistance to food we don’t like, to being too cold or hot, to being hungry. The problem isn’t the sensation of the food, cold, heat or hunger — it’s our resistance to them. Watch the resistance, and feel it melt. This resistance, by the way, is why I’m doing my Year of Living Without.Be Curious. Too often we are stuck in our ways, and think we know how things should be, how people are. Instead, be curious. Find out. Experiment. Let go of what you think you know. When you start a new project or venture, if you feel the fear of failure, instead of thinking, “Oh no, I’m going to fail” or “Oh no, I don’t know how this will turn out”, try thinking, “Let’s see. Let’s find out.” And then there isn’t the fear of failure, but the joy of being curious and finding out. Learn to be OK with not knowing.Be Grateful. We complain about everything. But life is a miracle. Find something to be grateful about in everything you do. Be grateful when you’re doing a new habit, and you’ll stick to it longer. Be grateful when you’re with someone, and you’ll be happier with them. Life is amazing, if you learn to appreciate it.Let Go of Control. We often think we control things, but that’s only an illusion. Our obsession with organization and goals and productivity, for example, are rooted in the illusion that we can control life. But life is uncontrollable, and just when we think we have things under control, something unexpected comes up to disrupt everything. And then we’re frustrated because things didn’t go the way we wanted. Instead, practice letting go of control, and learn to flow.Be Compassionate. This sounds trite, but compassion for others can change the way you feel about the world, on a day-to-day basis. And compassion for yourself is life-changing. These two things need remembering, though, so mindful living is about remembering to be compassionate after you forget.

OK, that seems like a lot to digest and remember, right?

Well, there’s hope. I often forget all of this stuff, but then I remember, and say, “Ah, I was doing it again!” And then I practice again.

And then I forget, but I reflect, and I learn, and I practice again.

This is the process of learning mindfulness. It’s forgetting, and then remembering, again and again.

And it’s worth remembering, again and again.

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Mindful or Mind Full? Techniques for Staying in the Present Moment

We often come across articles or passages in books that remind us that peace and tranquility is to be found by being “present”—by being mindful and staying in the moment—but rarely are we given techniques about how exactly to do that. Let’s explore a few different methods of doing so.

One great way of staying in the present moment is to focus on your breath. When all of your attention is centered on your breathing, it’s less likely that your mind will wander off into worry-land.

There are a few different ways to focus on your breathing, but we’re going to delve into the ones that combine both physical and mental awareness, as it’s the best way for novices to get into the habit.

1. Diaphragmatic breathing. Known as dirga pranayama in yogic circles, this is a 3-part breathing technique that draws breath deep into your lungs and creates a tranquil state of being. The best way to do this is to place one hand on your belly, and one hand on your upper chest. When you inhale, do so by drawing air into your belly, allowing it to rise out against the hand you’ve placed upon it. As you continue to draw breath, pull it into your diaphragm and let it expand, and finally inhale deep into your chest, letting your upper ribs float into the hand you have placed on them. When you exhale, you’ll reverse the process: release breathe from your chest first, then the diaphragm, and then your belly.

This practice is a great one for focusing on your breath, since your attention is wholly involved in the movement of air through your body: there’s no room for errant thoughts to slide in.

2. Alternate nostril breathing. Known as nadi sodhana or anuloma viloma, this is another pranayama technique that works wonders for grounding and calming you, and for alleviating stress or anxiety. The best part about this one is that it’s a very quick mindfulness technique that you can do just about anywhere: a couple of minutes are all that’s needed to put it into practice, so if you disappear into the restroom at work or close your office door for a quick breather (literally), no-one’s going to miss you.

To do alternate breathing, block off your right nostril and take a slow, deep breath in through your left nostril to the count of 4. Plug your nose and hold your breath to the count of 16, and then exhale solely through your right nostril to the count of 8. Then reverse: inhale with your right nostril to the count of 4, hold breath for 16, exhale with the left nostril to the count of 8. This may sound ridiculously simple, but once again, all of your attention is focused on the one thing you’re currently doing: you’re being present, and mindful.

If you find that your mind is very restless and is causing you a fair bit of grief, take a moment to just be still, and to focus on what you can be aware of with each of your senses. Find a quiet place where you can sit in stillness for a few minutes, close your eyes, and take a couple of deep, calming breaths.

Touch: Focus on the things that you can feel physically at the moment. Keep your eyes closed. What is the texture of the floor like beneath your feet? Is there a breeze against your skin? If your hands are on your lap, what does the fabric of your clothing feel like? Are your hands on a cool, smooth tabletop, or on the leathery arms of an old chair? Immerse yourself in physical sensation and really be aware of what everything feels like.

Scent: Can you smell anything right now? With your eyes still closed, bring your awareness to any scents that may be lingering in the air. If you’re at the office, can you smell coffee from the lunchroom or a co-worker’s desk? Did someone microwave popcorn today? What about your own perfume or cologne? Can you smell the shampoo in your hair? If you’re at home or outside, try to pinpoint a few scents that you can recognise.

Hearing: Take a moment to really listen to the world around you. Most of us acclimatize to our living conditions so much that we tune out most of what we hear over the course of the day, so keep your eyes closed and listen—don’t just hear. Can you tune into the bubbles fizzing in your drink? The ticking of a clock in another room? Maybe you can hear your pet snoring, or the subtle shifting noises that your house makes over the course of the day. Do you hear traffic? Raindrops? Birds?

Taste: This one can be a bit more difficult if you haven’t eaten anything recently, so if you don’t have any lingering crumbs around your mouth, it can help to take a sip of your drink or a bite of a snack to aid this one along. When you take a bite or sip of something, give the food your entire attention: notice the textures, the different flavours. Pay attention to the movement your tongue and throat make as you eat, and see if you can focus on the item you’ve swallowed as it makes its way down to your stomach.

Sight: Yes, this one requires you to open your eyes. It’s best to do it last, so you’re already in a relaxed state after focusing on the previous senses. Let your eyes rest on an item near you, and really look at it, even if it’s something that’s in your peripheral vision every day. Is it a plant that you can look at and analyze in detail? Or a favourite teacup? Are there scratches on the cup that you’d never noticed before? What’s written on the bottom, if anything? Take the time to see something in its entirety instead of just observing it without thought.

Some people find that the best way for them to return to the present moment is by carrying a “grounding” item with them. This is something that can be kept in a pocket or worn as jewellery, so when anxieties rise or the outside world gets a bit too harried and distracting, touching and focusing on that item brings them back to the present moment.

This item can be anything at all, as long as it has meaning to you. It could be a stone or crystal that’s kept in your pocket, a mala bracelet, pendant, rosary/prayer beads, or even a ring that’s worn daily—if it’s something that can bring you peace and help to center/ground you when you’re flailing emotionally, it’s perfect.

To ground yourself with your item, just take a couple of minutes to sit with it and be wholly absorbed in the experience of touching it. If it’s a stone, feel the cool smoothness of it in your hands, and allow yourself to draw strength from it: that stone is likely a million years old. If it’s a crystal that hums with energy, allow it to hum in your hands and imagine yourself filled with light the same colour of the item you’re holding. If you’re using prayer beads, run them through your fingers and draw comfort from their solidity. Let the outside world slip away as you focus your entire being on what you’re holding in your hands, and how it makes you feel.

Staying in the present moment takes practice, but a few minutes each day are all that’s needed to establish your mindfulness practice. Before long, you’ll notice that you’re much more aware and appreciative of things around you, as well as experiences you have and tastes/textures you enjoy. Anxieties about the past or future slip away when you find peace in the now.

If you have been on the productivity kick for any period of time, you know just how hard it can be to stay focused: How To Get Things Done While Being Mindful

Featured photo credit: Zen flower loto in water on white background via Shutterstock

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Mindful Simplicity: Decluttering, Cleaning & Leaving No Trace

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The Mindful Diet: A Healthy Eating Course

I’m happy to tell you all about my new course on healthy eating, The Mindful Diet. It will run during April and is included if you register for the Zen Habits Sea Change Program. Update: Registration is now closed.

The Sea Change Program, as you might know, is my membership program focused on helping you change your life slowly but completely, and includes video webinars, articles, a forum, the ability to submit questions and participate in polls, guest experts and more.

Included in this membership are regular mini-courses. In February I held a meditation mini-course, and the materials for that are still available if you join the Sea Change Program. And in April, we’ll have The Mindful Diet mini-course, focused on healthy and mindful eating.

It’s going to be powerful. I have a lineup of guest experts, including:

Mark Sisson of Mark’s Daily Apple, on beating sugar and carb cravingsZen priest Susan O’Connell of the San Francisco Zen Center, on mindful eatingKath Younger, RD of Kath Eats, on 10 ways to easily add real food to your dietMatt Frazier of No Meat Athlete, who will do a webinar on vegetarianismJules Clancy of Stone Soup, who will share some amazing healthy & simple recipes, along with tips on healthy grocery shopping and moreJesse Jacobs of Samovar Tea Lounge, on tea and mindful eatingScott Dinsmore of Live Your Legend, on how to lower bodyfat in a monthMike Bundrant of Healthy Times, on stress and eatingInspiring success stories from people who’ve changed their eating habits

In addition, I will have videos, articles and a webinar with me, covering these topics and more:

Learning to eat mindfullyDealing with emotional eating issuesThe optimal dietChanging diet habitsDealing with eating in social situations and travelLosing weight, gaining muscle, and getting healthySimple & frugal - how to keep things simple, fast & cheap but still healthyHow to beat food addictionsJunk food, fast food, convenience foodExercise vs. diet

We’ll also have a habit tracker and a forum to help support a mindful eating habit change during the month.

Also note: included in the Sea Change Program is a growing amount of content to help you change your life, as well as a mini-course on the Habit of Meditation, a new monthly live webinar for bloggers & writers, and more.

Unfortunately registration is closed for April. Read more here.

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How To Get Things Done While Being Mindful

As you venture your way into 2012 and try to reach the goals, make the habits, and finish up the projects that you have outlined for yourself, you may start to see a bit of stress and overwhelm building up in your life. You become so concentrated on what you have setup for yourself to accomplish during the year that the “less important things” fall by the wayside.

Most productivity gurus will tell you that this is a good thing; to make sure that they things that you are working on are the things that you want to do, are good at, and are important. It makes sense to concentrate on the things that keep you energized and creative. But, we may that because of all the attention we are giving to our “big ideas” we start to lose touch with some of the other things in life that are important.

We have to accomplish the things that we have set out for ourselves all while staying mindful of what is important to us in our lives. And, boy, it can be tough sometimes.

David Allen talks about our “Areas of Focus.” These are all the areas in our life that we deem important and that need attention to ensure that we are operating at a certain level of productivity with the least amount of stress.

GTD is so useful, at least for this geek, because it concentrates on the lower levels of productivity first; tasks and projects. It’s a bottom-up approach that helps one “clear the decks” so they can start to look at the higher levels of their lives (ie. Areas of Focus).

This is where some GTD practitioners get stuck. They concentrate on the task and project portion so much that they forget the higher levels. It’s important to get your deck clear as soon as possible, that is, closing all your open loops and making sure that you have everything on the task and project level accounted for.

Then you can list the areas of your life and start to find balance.

I make the list of my Areas of Focus in a mindmap and then review it at least once a month with my weekly review. Sometimes, especially if you are feeling extra unbalanced in your life, you may need to pull this list out to re-ground yourself.

My list:

WorkHomeHusbandLifehackDevBurnerFinancesHealth and vitalitySpiritualityLearningPets

I noticed yesterday that most times I only think of myself. What am I going to do today? What am I going to write about? How will I have enough money for that? Am I going to make it this year?

This constant, selfish self-talk had me wake up with a slight realization. I need to stop. And when I stop, I will think of others in my life. I don’t mean thinking of others in the way of “how am I going to do ‘x’ to help them.’ I’m talking about an honest look at the person or situation for what it is.

You’d be surprised how often your mind is selfish. What will surprise you even more is that when you stop and think about others, many things that you may have been ignoring start to show up like realizing your anniversary is coming up, that you haven’t seen your friends in-the-flesh for several weeks, or haven’t talked to anyone in your family recently.

The only way to stay mindful while accomplishing your goals this year is to make sure that you get in the habit of reviewing your Areas of Focus and stopping to reflect and think of things other than yourself.

Our minds are constantly on; analyzing and troubleshooting everything around us. It’s a good thing that they are so powerful. But we have to use them vigilantly to ensure that we are paying attention to the right things and doing the right things in our lives. You can only make sure this happens by repeatedly evaluating your focus.

If you have been on the productivity kick for any period of time, you know just how hard it can be to stay focused as well as focus on the right things. The only way that I have found to keep this going is to make sure that you have defined what your focus should be and then stopping yourself and become mindful of it. Hopefully with this type of practice you can accomplish your goals this year knowing that what is important to you isn’t being ignored.

Chris is a developer, writer, tech enthusiast, and husband. He holds a degree in MIS and CMPSC from Penn State Behrend. Chris is also interested in personal productivity, creativity and how to use technology to get things done. Check out his writing at devburner.net or follow him on Twitter.

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10 Mindful Minutes: Giving Our Children--and Ourselves--the Social and Emotional Skills to Reduce Stress and Anxiety for Healthier, Happy Lives

"Goldie Hawn embodies delight and joy, and 10 Mindful Minutes radiates these. Her book can help any adult-parent, grandparent, teacher-make double use of their moments with the children they love and have a terrific time while helping shape that child's brain for a lifetime of resilience and happiness."
-Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence

Across the country, the revolutionary MindUP program, which was developed under the auspices of the Hawn Foundation, established by Goldie Hawn, is teaching children vital social and emotional skills. By understanding how their brains work, children discover where their emotions come from and become more self-aware. They learn to appreciate the sensory aspects of their lives and to value the positive effects of mindfulness, compassion, and kindness. This, in turn, empowers them to manage and reduce their own stress-and helps them be happy.

Those who have seen the remarkable effects of this program have been eager to learn how to implement it in their own homes and use its practices for themselves, too. Now, for the first time, its secrets are being shared with all parents and children in 10 Mindful Minutes.

Price: $24.00

Click here to buy from Amazon

A Simple Guide for a Mindful Digital Life

‘Two thoughts cannot coexist at once: if the clear light of mindfulness is present, there is no room for mental twilight.’ ~ Nyanaponika There

Ever feel like you’re two different people?

You get up in the morning, eat your breakfast, and go to work. You go out with your friends and hang out with your family. Maybe you read a book before going to bed. On the weekends, you try to get out of the house – go for a hike in the woods or visit some relatives. This is the physical you.

Of course, between all these experiences, you also exist online writing emails, browsing the web, updating your blog, and ordering pizza. This is the digital you. Fifteen years ago, the two almost never collided, but today, the digital world has expanded far beyond what we ever thought it would. The digital connects us instantaneously to the physical via maps, apps, and GPS devices. We even manipulate our physical world now to better interface with the digital.

Two worlds that once existed exclusively have serendipitously collided. It’s a wonderful time to be alive.

But what about the spaces and gaps? There are still plenty of opportunities online to hide who you really are in the physical world and vice versa. The two worlds are merging, but only because we’re striving to merge them.

So how do we, as mindful humans, bridge these gaps? How do we:

Connect the dots between our worlds in a way that propels us forward without overwhelming us with technology?Shine a light on who we really are, but protect our identities and right to privacy?Share with the world, but only what’s appropriate for the world to see?

I say the simplest answer is to find the bonds that already exist and focus on them until they define us, ignoring the rest. Here’s how I do that. Take what works for you and leave the rest.

In the quest to bring my own physical and digital worlds together more harmoniously, the first question I have to answer is, “Who do I want to be?”

There’s the argument that you simply are who you are, but I reject that idea. Yes, you are a product of your environment, but as a free being, you get to change your environment if you choose. In the physical world, this is often impossible to do. As a child, you don’t get a choice in where you grow up. For many, this is still the case, even as adults, due to social and economic injustice.

But, in the digital world, you get to decide exactly who to be, where to go, and how to behave. This can be problematic if you try to create an entirely new persona (it’s a dishonest and unsustainable representation of yourself), but when wielded skillfully, it can propel the real you to new heights. Rather than create a whole new you, create the best you. Choose the traits you like about yourself, and exemplify them online. Let the less attractive qualities fall by the wayside. Place yourself in a digital environment that will allow you to flourish.

When I focus on creating an improved digital version of me, I find those qualities actually start to carry over into my physical self.

This is so important for relationships, too. The people you surround yourself with online and offline are who you will end up like. Don’t leave this to chance; be mindful of the friends you keep.

When I decided that I’m going to convey my best self to the digital world, I needed a place to do it from. I needed a digital home – my own little spot on the web that I own.

There are dozens of places like Facebook, About.me, and others that offer a simple way to do this, but I don’t think they’re the best choices for a mindful digital persona because services like this come and go and often have limitations that don’t serve you well. Instead, set up your own very simple website that tells the story of you. Use your real name for the domain or a variation of it if that’s not available. Here are a few people who’ve done this well:

You wouldn’t set up your home in someone else’s space or send people to your neighbors to find out about you in the physical world, so why do it in the digital world? Part of leading a mindful life is understanding that the digital and physical worlds may be different places, but they operate the same way because they’re both run by us.

If you ask, “Why do I need a website if I have no aspirations online?,” my answer is that, if you have aspirations at all, then you have aspirations online. Even if you opt-out of participating in the digital world, your online identity still exists in parallel, you’re just not in charge of it.

Be mindful of the digital world and proactive about creating the best you possible.

The digital world is fast paced. I see new trends come, go, develop, and evolve at a frightening speed, and if I try to follow everything, I get overwhelmed. To keep up with something new, I have to clear space by eliminating something else. A good practice, but if I don’t do it intentionally, I end up abandoning great resources for sure failures. On the other hand, if I dig my heels in and refuse to develop my digital self, I’ll end up old and isolated, frightened by technology.

What we need is a mindful approach to developing our online presence. If my personal website is my digital home, then my social networking profiles on Facebook and Twitter, etc. are my embassies. Embassies exist to maintain relationships with “distant lands” and to act as an outpost for people who want to connect outside my home base, not rule my life by commanding my attention.

Focus on the essential. Cultivate your ties in social networks where it makes sense and is beneficial, but don’t let them become second homes. Having many homes adds clutter to your digital world just as it does in your physical world. Remember: it’s Facebook’s job to serve you, not the other way around.

Just like life in the physical world, digital life is a process, and it’s hard to move forward if I’m being weighed down by things from my past that no longer serve me.

If my house gets too full, I have to get rid of things in order to live comfortably again. If I make too many appointments or double-book myself (I do this more often than I like to admit), I have to kindly cancel a few. These rules are just as true online.

Delete your old social networking profiles. Set yourself free to discover new digital societies.Toss out your old work that’s still online. If you’ve created things on the web that no longer tell the story of who you are or want to be, delete them. Don’t mourn the loss of your creations; celebrate the transition to a new era.Stop visiting news sites and feeding on the latest apocalypse. I threw out my TV two years ago and it was the best decision I ever made. I let my friends tell me what’s going on. It makes them feel like an important part of my day and frees my mind to work on more creative things.Unsubscribe from newsletters. Go through your email and unsubscribe from every newsletter you get.Open your feed reader and delete every blog. If it turns out you miss something, go and add it back.

Get comfortable with shedding your past lives and evolving into new ones. Reinvent yourself on a regular basis and watch your digital and physical worlds collide in a way that only a deliberate and mindful approach could orchestrate.

If you want to go even deeper, here are a few tools I like to use to integrate my physical and digital lives in the simplest ways possible:

1Password: A quick and easy way to organize passwords that keep your physical self safe in the digital worldRescueTime: Works as training wheels to stay focused on what’s important when distractions are everywhereDropBox: One place in the digital world where I can keep everything my physical self needs, no matter where I am.Google Docs: Simplify your workspace and create from anywhereTungle.me: Easily manage appointments for your digital and physical selfGoogle Alerts: Don’t waste time searching the web; let the information come to you

Read more from Tyler at his digital home, Advanced Riskology, or have his thoughts delivered straight to your frontal lobes by subscribing to his newsletter.
—
all a-twitter

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A Simple Guide for a Mindful Digital Life

‘Two thoughts cannot coexist at once: if the clear light of mindfulness is present, there is no room for mental twilight.’ ~ Nyanaponika There

Ever feel like you’re two different people?

You get up in the morning, eat your breakfast, and go to work. You go out with your friends and hang out with your family. Maybe you read a book before going to bed. On the weekends, you try to get out of the house – go for a hike in the woods or visit some relatives. This is the physical you.

Of course, between all these experiences, you also exist online writing emails, browsing the web, updating your blog, and ordering pizza. This is the digital you. Fifteen years ago, the two almost never collided, but today, the digital world has expanded far beyond what we ever thought it would. The digital connects us instantaneously to the physical via maps, apps, and GPS devices. We even manipulate our physical world now to better interface with the digital.

Two worlds that once existed exclusively have serendipitously collided. It’s a wonderful time to be alive.

But what about the spaces and gaps? There are still plenty of opportunities online to hide who you really are in the physical world and vice versa. The two worlds are merging, but only because we’re striving to merge them.

So how do we, as mindful humans, bridge these gaps? How do we:

Connect the dots between our worlds in a way that propels us forward without overwhelming us with technology?Shine a light on who we really are, but protect our identities and right to privacy?Share with the world, but only what’s appropriate for the world to see?

I say the simplest answer is to find the bonds that already exist and focus on them until they define us, ignoring the rest. Here’s how I do that. Take what works for you and leave the rest.

In the quest to bring my own physical and digital worlds together more harmoniously, the first question I have to answer is, “Who do I want to be?”

There’s the argument that you simply are who you are, but I reject that idea. Yes, you are a product of your environment, but as a free being, you get to change your environment if you choose. In the physical world, this is often impossible to do. As a child, you don’t get a choice in where you grow up. For many, this is still the case, even as adults, due to social and economic injustice.

But, in the digital world, you get to decide exactly who to be, where to go, and how to behave. This can be problematic if you try to create an entirely new persona (it’s a dishonest and unsustainable representation of yourself), but when wielded skillfully, it can propel the real you to new heights. Rather than create a whole new you, create the best you. Choose the traits you like about yourself, and exemplify them online. Let the less attractive qualities fall by the wayside. Place yourself in a digital environment that will allow you to flourish.

When I focus on creating an improved digital version of me, I find those qualities actually start to carry over into my physical self.

This is so important for relationships, too. The people you surround yourself with online and offline are who you will end up like. Don’t leave this to chance; be mindful of the friends you keep.

When I decided that I’m going to convey my best self to the digital world, I needed a place to do it from. I needed a digital home – my own little spot on the web that I own.

There are dozens of places like Facebook, About.me, and others that offer a simple way to do this, but I don’t think they’re the best choices for a mindful digital persona because services like this come and go and often have limitations that don’t serve you well. Instead, set up your own very simple website that tells the story of you. Use your real name for the domain or a variation of it if that’s not available. Here are a few people who’ve done this well:

You wouldn’t set up your home in someone else’s space or send people to your neighbors to find out about you in the physical world, so why do it in the digital world? Part of leading a mindful life is understanding that the digital and physical worlds may be different places, but they operate the same way because they’re both run by us.

If you ask, “Why do I need a website if I have no aspirations online?,” my answer is that, if you have aspirations at all, then you have aspirations online. Even if you opt-out of participating in the digital world, your online identity still exists in parallel, you’re just not in charge of it.

Be mindful of the digital world and proactive about creating the best you possible.

The digital world is fast paced. I see new trends come, go, develop, and evolve at a frightening speed, and if I try to follow everything, I get overwhelmed. To keep up with something new, I have to clear space by eliminating something else. A good practice, but if I don’t do it intentionally, I end up abandoning great resources for sure failures. On the other hand, if I dig my heels in and refuse to develop my digital self, I’ll end up old and isolated, frightened by technology.

What we need is a mindful approach to developing our online presence. If my personal website is my digital home, then my social networking profiles on Facebook and Twitter, etc. are my embassies. Embassies exist to maintain relationships with “distant lands” and to act as an outpost for people who want to connect outside my home base, not rule my life by commanding my attention.

Focus on the essential. Cultivate your ties in social networks where it makes sense and is beneficial, but don’t let them become second homes. Having many homes adds clutter to your digital world just as it does in your physical world. Remember: it’s Facebook’s job to serve you, not the other way around.

Just like life in the physical world, digital life is a process, and it’s hard to move forward if I’m being weighed down by things from my past that no longer serve me.

If my house gets too full, I have to get rid of things in order to live comfortably again. If I make too many appointments or double-book myself (I do this more often than I like to admit), I have to kindly cancel a few. These rules are just as true online.

Delete your old social networking profiles. Set yourself free to discover new digital societies.Toss out your old work that’s still online. If you’ve created things on the web that no longer tell the story of who you are or want to be, delete them. Don’t mourn the loss of your creations; celebrate the transition to a new era.Stop visiting news sites and feeding on the latest apocalypse. I threw out my TV two years ago and it was the best decision I ever made. I let my friends tell me what’s going on. It makes them feel like an important part of my day and frees my mind to work on more creative things.Unsubscribe from newsletters. Go through your email and unsubscribe from every newsletter you get.Open your feed reader and delete every blog. If it turns out you miss something, go and add it back.

Get comfortable with shedding your past lives and evolving into new ones. Reinvent yourself on a regular basis and watch your digital and physical worlds collide in a way that only a deliberate and mindful approach could orchestrate.

If you want to go even deeper, here are a few tools I like to use to integrate my physical and digital lives in the simplest ways possible:

1Password: A quick and easy way to organize passwords that keep your physical self safe in the digital worldRescueTime: Works as training wheels to stay focused on what’s important when distractions are everywhereDropBox: One place in the digital world where I can keep everything my physical self needs, no matter where I am.Google Docs: Simplify your workspace and create from anywhereTungle.me: Easily manage appointments for your digital and physical selfGoogle Alerts: Don’t waste time searching the web; let the information come to you

Read more from Tyler at his digital home, Advanced Riskology, or have his thoughts delivered straight to your frontal lobes by subscribing to his newsletter.
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