These 12 Ways Will Heal A Broken Heart

When you’re dealing with a broken heart, the only way to get over it is to let go of the pain. In order to let go, you must face it, head on.

“To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful.” – Bess Myerson

Isn’t it ironic that it can take only one instant to fall deeply in love but it can take a long time to fall out of love? It’s all about you, not your ex. You are broken and the only one who is going to fix it is you. 

Liken it to breaking a limb. Your body has to heal, and it takes time. Someone else cannot do it for you. It’s the same with a broken heart. You have to heal it.

In a nutshell, it’s all centered around three little words: Let it go. This is how:

Are they to get over this person? Are they to get even with them? Are they to win this person back? The only way to get over your broken heart is to let go and move on. If you believe that you will feel better when they hurt like you’re hurting, or when they come back to you, you will not be able to move on. So set your mind straight right now that you can and you will overcome your broken heart yourself.

Nothing stings more than waking up first thing in the morning and seeing a picture of your ex on your bedside, or looking at your phone and seeing their face as your wallpaper. Remove all reminders from your daily life. This doesn’t mean throw them away. It simply means to pack them up for now so that no reminders hit you in the face.

That gnawing pain that infiltrates every ounce of your being doesn’t have to consume you. You don’t want to go to work or go out and socialize. You want to shut everything out because you’re so hurt you have no idea how you’re going to pull out of it. You have a choice: You can spend the next few months, years, or your lifetime trudging your way through, or you can face the pain. There’s no way around it. You have to walk straight through it. This is the when the pain begins subsiding.

You are broken—angry, sad, frustrated, alone, depressed, etc. The last thing you want or need is more humiliation. Should you beg for reconciliation? Maybe threaten them? Or go find them at that party? You know, the one they just posted a picture of on Facebook, smiling away looking as if they’ve completely forgotten you. You could confront them in public and ask them, “How could you?” You could blow up their phone, email and social media accounts. The end result is more hurt, anger, humiliation…and pain. Protect yourself: Let it go.

At first, you’re going to want do this every single day. Sit in your brokenness. Let it come up. Feel it. Cry if you need to. Then, envision putting it into a helium balloon and letting it go. There you go, you just released it and now you can start your day.

As you go about your days you could be doing fine, and then you see a couple holding hands, or see a place that you frequented with your ex and the hurt seeps in and tries to overtake your entire being. When something or someone triggers a flashback, just think: that was then, but this is now. Let it go.

Nothing is more heart wrenching than listening to the same music or watching the same TV programs as you did with your ex. Only listen to new, upbeat music and TV programs. Lifetime TV is out for a while! When you’re in public, and you cannot turn the station, use point #6 and let it go.

Literally! Work out. Exercising stimulates mood-enhancing endorphins, is productive and healthy both physically and emotionally, and serves as a release for pent-up emotions. It’s the safest and healthiest way to get even with the hurt your ex has laid upon you. Pow! Take that! Feel better?

Many relationships that fail do so because one or both individuals weren’t experiencing the freedom to grow or to truly be themselves. What did you hold back when you were with your ex? Do it now!

It’s time to let go of the old hangouts that you and your ex frequented together. Go to a different place to get your morning coffee, or to buy groceries, or shop for clothes. Establish your own turf where mutual friends won’t be telling you about how awesome your ex is doing, about their new relationship, or feel the need to ask you questions.

Laughing promotes happiness. It’s scientifically proven that when you laugh, it stimulates endorphins that lift your mood. Are you worried about seeming fake? Consider this: If your heart weren’t broken, would you be smiling right now and laughing at that joke or situation? If the answer is yes, let the broken heart go. Laugh a little. Smile a lot!

Just because your heart has been torn to shreds, it does not mean that you’re worthless or hopeless. Use this time to get to know and rely upon you. You have to live with you for the rest of your life. Learn about yourself inside and out, and most of all, depend upon you for your happiness. That way, if and when you ever have your heart broken again, you will bounce back much more easily.

Enduring a broken heart is just like dealing with grief. There are seven stages to grief: shock, denial, anger, bargaining, guilt, depression and acceptance. You will likely feel all of these, perhaps more than once. At the beginning of this article, there were three key words given that are paramount to healing a broken heart. In all circumstances, all emotions and all future endeavors, remember these three words always: Let it go. If you take these words on board and face your pain, you will find that you can heal from your broken heart faster than you think. 

 Learn more about how to take good care of yourself while healing from a broken heart.

Featured photo credit: http://www.morguefile.com/creative/rosevita via cdn.morguefile.com

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Lynn Silva helps solo and entrepreneurs develop mental skills for business. Her expertise encompasses increasing productivity, focus, teamwork, growth & expansion. She provides a free mental skills assessment to get you started.

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Money and Your Path With a Heart

There’s this idea that if we want to experience more financial abundance, we must identify and rewire our limiting beliefs about money, such as “money doesn’t grow on trees” or “money is the root of all evil.” But the people I know who have lots of money usually didn’t bother to fuss over their beliefs. In fact, current brain research tells us that dwelling on limiting beliefs can be self-defeating since you’re still reinforcing the same neural patterns by thinking about them, thereby making them stronger.

A more effective approach is to largely ignore your so-called limiting beliefs. Put your focus on what you desire first and foremost. The tricky part is figuring out what you actually desire.

I found that the best approach for me, financially speaking, is to follow my path with a heart and to admit that money just isn’t that important to me in the grand scheme of things. So I actually seek to minimize the role of money in my life, making it mostly irrelevant. I create enough financial abundance that I don’t have to devote much mental bandwidth to fussing over money. Money is there when I need it; otherwise I can largely ignore it. This frees up my attention to express my creativity, to explore relationships with people, to travel, to read a lot, and to generally enjoy and experience the aspects of life that matter to me so much more than money ever will.

When I tried to center my life around money, it didn’t make me happy. I found it pretty stressful actually. It set me up for a competitive relationship with others. And I wasn’t very good at making money for the sake of money anyway. I didn’t find myself particularly motivated to do the things that would make me more money. I would procrastinate on seemingly profitable work and spend time learning about personal growth instead, which for much of my life was just a side hobby.

Eventually I saw the folly in investing so much energy into trying to make more money, especially when I wasn’t doing a very good job of it anyway. I realized that I don’t actually want to fuss or stress over money in my life. I don’t really want to make a lot of money. That isn’t a true desire for me. A more genuine desire is that I’d like to live without giving much attention to money. I’d like to live as if everything I desire is free.

Growing up, I was inspired by the characters in the universe of Star Trek: The Next Generation. They didn’t seem to need money. Technically they did have money in their universe, but money was so unimportant that hardly anyone talked about it — except for one race that everyone made fun of. The people in that universe worked because they wanted to work, not because they got paid. Money was irrelevant because they lived in a universe of abundance. They had unlimited food, cozy quarters, quality healthcare, and speedy transportation. Having all their needs met gave them the freedom to focus on other parts of their lives: hobbies like music or painting, recreation, intimate relationships, reading, exploration, and more. They lived in the ultimate personal growth playground.

I was inspired by that idea and asked myself how close I could get to it in the real world. Obviously this reality isn’t the same idealized fictional universe, but I could at least get closer to it if I tried. I realized that one step was to earn a certain threshold level of income in such a way that it wouldn’t require me to do a lot of grunt work to maintain it, and then all my expenses would be covered. That’s what got me interested in passive income.

I’ve been experiencing that reality for many years now, and honestly… I love it.

In order to play the game of life this way, I made decisions that many people would consider foolish. That’s because their priority is to make more money. My priority is to have a life. I’m not interested in getting rich or retiring. I’m already doing what I’d do if I were retired. So I deliberately pass up many opportunities to earn more money, so I can give less attention to money and more attention to personal growth, relationships, and more. I’m very pleased with this trade-off.

I don’t want to waste my life fussing over money. I did that during much of my 20s, and I think it was a mistake to live that way.

What may surprise you is that I learned to live this way even when I was broke. The key is how you focus your mind. To really enjoy life, focus your mind on what you love most, and bring that into your life now — not later, not when you have more money. Whatever you think money will add to your life, you’re probably wrong about that. Add those elements to your life now. So if you think money will allow you to travel more, start traveling now, even if you’re doing a lot of couchsurfing. Realize that you already have the means to do what you tell yourself you’re going to do when you have the money. You’ve just been programmed by social conditioning to think you need more money, but you don’t. And besides, you aren’t really going to be more motivated to earn extra money if you aren’t already following your path with a heart.

Take time to experience the simple pleasures of life. Put more attention on what you can enjoy and experience right now. That doesn’t actually require money. You can enjoy a long walk for free. Long walks are still one of my favorite pleasures.

When I couldn’t afford to buy books, I would go to the library and check out five or ten personal development books and audio programs and go through them. I very much enjoyed doing that, and it was free. I still do this today, typically averaging about one audiobook per week.

Today I can buy the best organic produce. I don’t have to look at prices when I shop. I like to shop as if everything were free. Whatever the bill is, I know I have plenty of money to cover it.

When I couldn’t afford the best food, I bought the best that I could afford and learned to appreciate it. I tried different foods. I learned to cook. I expressed my desire to have growth experiences through whatever level of abundance I could muster.

That approach was very motivating. It gave me a reason to actually earn some money. My reason for earning money was to help express my desired life path — a path centered around personal growth, exploration, and relationships. The real shift happened when I stopped using a lack of money as an excuse for not pursuing that path. I released the fear of not having enough. I started pursuing this path when I was broke. The money came later.

In my experience, needing money has usually pushed it away. When I don’t adopt a needy relationship to money, I seem to attract plenty of it. It flows to me quite naturally as a result of following my path with a heart. When I’m on this path, I’m feeling good about my life, my self development, my connections to people, and my contribution to the world. That state of being is very attractive. It attracts people, opportunities, business deals, and more. And that state of being doesn’t depend on having any particular level of income.

What if I want to increase my income? Trying to increase it directly seldom works. What works for me is to expand my path with a heart first. Internally I must open my heart to greater challenges or new levels of experience. If those experiences require more money, then the money will flow into my life — but only when I take the first step and get moving.

Quite often when it seems like money is a block to having certain experiences, that’s a false belief. We block ourselves because we aren’t ready. We’ve turned our backs on our light. In truth we are very powerful and creative beings, capable of summoning wonderful experiences into our lives when we’re finally ready to embrace them — and all their rippling consequences.

I used to think that traveling overseas was a really big deal. I turned it into this behemoth of complexity. I definitely used a lack of money as a reason for not traveling more. I also used the excuse of being in a relationship with a woman who didn’t like to travel. But once I realized that those limitations were just excuses and that of course I was a powerful enough being to summon the experience of travel into my life, I simply made it happen. It felt like there was a push to get moving initially, but afterwards it felt more like allowing than pushing.

Once I started traveling more, I began getting a lot more free travel invites. As I shed the belief that I needed money to travel, I found myself being able to enjoy amazing trips while spending very little money. For instance, people would invite me to speak at their events, and they’d pay for my travel expenses and provide a place to stay. I recently received an invite for my fourth free trip to Europe within the past two years, to speak at the Lifestyle Design Convention in Zurich in January 2015. I haven’t been to Switzerland yet, so I’m really look forward to it.

But of course this wouldn’t be happening if I wasn’t following my path with a heart. Part of that path involved facing and overcoming fears. I used to really dislike public speaking. Now I love it! It’s such a beautiful way to share a positive message and connect with people.

I’ll probably be getting speaking invitations with free travel opportunities for the rest of my life. I love speaking, I love traveling, and I love meeting new people, so this adds a lot of happiness to my life. This unfolded very gracefully by following my path with a heart. I didn’t have to push myself to do work I disliked to earn more money just so I could travel. I made travel a part of my life first, to the extent that I could afford it, and then it expanded, including the expansion of opportunities to fuel it.

You may be assuming that money is the ultimate fuel, the ultimate enabler, the ultimate resource in life. If that were true, then people with lots of money should be so much happier, shouldn’t they? But the data shows that once you get passed about $75-80K per year in income, happiness doesn’t increase with additional income and often decreases.

I have many wealthy friends who earn 10 to 100 times as much as I do. Most of them, however, actually seem less happy than I am. Some of them have told me they’re jealous of my lifestyle. They have empires to manage. They travel 150-200 days per year because they believe they have to. Otherwise they wouldn’t make as much money, and they might have to start laying people off. They often seem worried about potential threats to their revenue streams. Some of them are disturbed by the fact that I’ve uncopyrighted most of my work since they believe that intellectual property is their most valuable asset. But what does their income matter if they aren’t as happy as they could be, if they’re experiencing chronically higher stress levels, if they spend a lot of time worrying, if they wrap their self-esteem into their achievements (which sets them up for an inevitable fall)?

I think that especially in the U.S., we undervalue what actually makes us happy in life. We push ourselves to earn more, but why? If the path to get to that next level of income isn’t fulfilling, and if the money isn’t likely to fulfill you either, then why expend so much energy on an unfulfilling path? Why not put happiness and fulfillment first in our lives — and then see what it does to our incomes?

The approach that worked for me was to surrender the socially conditioned path. I gave up the path that said I have to earn lots of money first, and then I can do whatever I want and be happy. After trying that for many years, I found it foolish and unfulfilling. I actually resigned myself to being broke, figuring it would be worth it to be perpetually broke if I could at least spend a lot of time doing what I found fulfilling and enjoyable. But much to my surprise and delight, that path with a heart turn out to also be the path of abundance.

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A ghost heart?

biology TED Books

Here’s a treat for Valentine’s Day (in addition to this playlist of TED Talks about love): Below, take a close-up look at a decellularized “ghost heart.” This heart can serve as a scaffold upon which to grow a working heart from human stem cells. Researchers at the Texas Heart Institute created it by stripping all the living cells from a pig heart with a soap solution, which bursts the cells and leaves only the protein structure behind. These scientists have successfully implanted tissue-engineered hearts into rats and pigs so far. They hope ultimately to create personalized human hearts and help relieve the shortage of donor organs. 

Behold, the “ghost heart.” Image: Courtesy of RMR Labs, Texas Heart Institute

Read much more in the new TED Book Super Cells: Building With Biology, by Nina Tandon and Mitchell Joachim. It’s available for the Kindle, Nook, and through the iBookstore. Or download the TED Books app to get access to this title — and the entire TED Books archive — for the duration of your subscription. 

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Success and Happiness: It's Your Heart vs. What the Others Think

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How to Heal a Broken Heart

Break-ups are never easy.  Whether you were “just dating” or married, with or without kids, it hurts when a relationship ends.  To spend time grieving is perfectly natural and healthy but  there comes a time when your heart yearns to be healed.

The following 5 steps can help you begin down that path of healing.

You know that old saying “it’s not you, it’s me”?  While we usually think of it as a cop-out, a way for someone to spare our feelings, the reality is that it is actually true. People act a certain way, make certain decisions, and choose to life their life a certain way because of their own desires and needs; not because of us.

When someone is a jerk, or says something nasty, or leaves you, it is because of something going on inside of them. Please know that I am not excluding the influence of your own behavior that may have precipitated the break-up, but it comes down to the fact that your ex left because of their reactions and feelings surrounding that event and it may have been the right choice for them.

Once a relationship ends, you can’t go back and change things no matter how much you want to, so it’s best to stop beating yourself up about the past. Forgive yourself for your part in the break up, learn lessons from it, and try not to take it personally.  Realize that you are perfect just the way you are and there is someone out there who will agree.

I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but the pain will go away.

Allow yourself to really feel your feelings—wallow in them if you want—and know that they are temporary. Sometimes it’s good to think back to another time in your life where you felt broken, and then realize that it did, indeed, get better.  This will too. If you have faith that these feelings will pass, that you will feel better someday, that day will arrive much sooner.

You may be feeling some very negative emotions towards your ex, such as anger, resentment, and frustration, but harboring these feelings is only hurting one person—you.  In order to save yourself, you need to forgive your ex.  Now, I don’t mean you have to call them up and tell them they are forgiven (although you can if you want to), you just need to forgive them in your heart.

I have found that praying for that person helps with being able to forgive them and move on.  Pray for their happiness and continued health and mean it when you say it.  You should feel your anger and resentment getting less and less if you continue this practice. Doing this has the added benefit of showing yourself what a good person you really are.  Hey, you even pray for those that hurt you, so you must be a loving, generous person who deserves love.

SEE ALSO: 10 Keys to a Successful Romantic Relationship

Concentrate on today, and focus on the present moment. It’s said that worry is like a rocking chair: it keeps you busy, but doesn’t get you anywhere.  It’s time to stop worrying about the future and notice where you are today. Don’t worry about your sister’s wedding in 6 months and the fact that now you don’t have a date. Don’t worry about what will happen if you see him around town with another girl—just  live for today, the rest will take care of itself. Be present for all the gifts the universe is trying to give you today.

Life is hard: if it wasn’t, we would all be perfect people living in a perfect world. Give yourself kudos for any and all progress you make, since anytime you are able to move in a forward direction, that is worth celebrating. Keep track of all the progress you have made  by keeping a journal of all your successes.  Then, when you feel that you are going backwards, read through it and you will realize just how far you have come.

Healing your heart is really about healing your whole self, so be sure to take this opportunity to delve deeper into who you are and what you want. Start by appreciating the lessons you learned from the past, being present in the here and now, and using your power to create the future you want.

SEE ALSO: 10 Ways We Hurt Our Romantic Relationships

Featured photo credit: red broken heart with a bandage, on textured blue via Shutterstock

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High Heart Alignment

High Heart Alignment This meditation was created for those seeking to deepen their intuitive senses and open more fully to their Divine Guidance. Let the music and words help you to tap into the hidden gems of Wisdom that reside within your heart center and align those frequencies with your entire being. Feel the energy of Wisdom radiate throughout your entire body. For your enjoyment I have added an additional track that is just the background music, no vocals. You may use this to extend your meditative experience, to enhance your journaling, or simply to enjoy! This meditation was created by Kathy Karlander. Vocals were also Kathy Karlander. The music was created by Chris Handley. This meditation does contain binaural beats, designed to induce deeper levels of relaxation and meditation.

Price: $19.95

Click here to buy from Amazon

The brain behind the lion heart

I’ve just read a completely fascinating New York Times article on the neuropsychology of courage – a core human attribute that curiously seems to be largely ignored by cognitive science.

The piece looks at how we define courage, it’s relation to fear and the sometimes wonderfully innovative research that has tackled the area.

In pioneering work from 1970s and beyond, Stanley J. Rachman of the University of British Columbia and others studied the physiology and behavior of paratroopers as they prepared for their first parachute jump.

The work revealed three basic groups: the preternaturally fearless, who displayed scant signs of the racing heart, sweaty palms, spike in blood pressure and other fight-or-flight responses associated with ordinary fear, and who jumped without hesitation; the handwringers, whose powerful fear response at the critical moment kept them from jumping; and finally, the ones who reacted physiologically like the handwringers but who acted like the fearless leapers, and, down the hatch.

These last Dr. Rachman deemed courageous, defining courage as “behavioral approach in spite of the experience of fear.” By that expansive definition, courage becomes democratized and demilitarized, the property of any wallflower who manages to give the convention speech, or the math phobe who decides to take calculus.

It is also a wonderfully written article, by the way, so well worth making the leap for.

Link to NYT article ‘Searching for the Source of a Fountain of Courage’.

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