"Roots and Wings": Your Toddler Becomes More Mobile and Self-Aware

One of the best-and shortest! - guides to parenting is the following:  "Give your child roots and wings."

What are the "roots"?  Love, caring, empathy, listening, socialization, interpersonal skills, education - all the elements which enhance development and provide solid foundation for the child in going forward.
Wings
What are the "wings"?  A capacity to allow and help your child separate, to have his/her own interests and friends, to go out into the world and be welcomed back when they return.
Solid roots provide the capacity to fly with wings.
The roots and wings theme can be experienced in variety of forms.  For instance, dependence/independence and attachment/separation captures this aspect of development.

There are two areas in particular in toddlerhood in which this theme of dependence/independence is especially prominent: the increasing mobility of the young child, and his or her expanding self-awareness.
Mobility
As your child moves from infancy to toddlerhood, physical as well as emotional and cognitive changes occur at a rapid pace.  She begins crawling, then walking, and running, and "getting into everything."  The built-in feeling of interest (curiosity) is now unleashed, and the exploratory urges of the toddler are in full gear.  This is what one wants - exploring, learning, being curious and creative.  But this change also leads to increased emotional as well as physical separation, with concerns about safety often being foremost.  An interesting dilemma arises as parents try to both support their child's curiosity and learning about the world while at the same time ensure their child's safety.  These changes affect the parents as well as their toddler, sometimes disrupting the  relationship and leading to increased anxiety and struggles around discipline.
Self-Awareness
At the same time as toddlers begin to walk and run and "get into everything," their brains are undergoing neurobiological and psychological changes which result in self-awareness and a sense of "me."
If you put a little red make-up on the nose of a child less than about 18 months and then have the child look at herself in a mirror, nothing much will happen.  The child is unaware it is she.  At about 18 months this changes: do the same experiment, and the child often will hesitantly, self-consciously touch her nose - she knows the person in the mirror is herself and that there is something on her nose!
So the toddler begins to have a sense of "self," of "me" - and of likes and dislikes.  This is just what one wants - although it can stress out the parents! You want your child to begin getting a sense of who she is and what she likes.  This will allow her ultimately to direct herself to a profession, spouse, and avocations which fit for her.Separation
However, let's get back to dependence and independence.  Both increased mobility and self-awareness leads to the toddler becoming more independent  This in turn results in greater separation between parent and child, which often translates into a feeling of sadness and loss for the parent.
So-it's not always easy helping a toddler grow "wings" as well as "roots"!

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