The Thinking Habit That Changed My Life

I remember one evening, when my life was pretty different and I was overweight and deeply in debt and a smoker and had such a hard time changing things … I wasn’t feeling too good about my life.

I felt horrible about myself, and wondered why I was stuck. I felt hopeless and helpless, and generally depressed about the state of things around me.

Then I looked up at the sky, and saw the stars set in a deep blue-black canvas. And I thought, what a miracle life is.

And I resolved to mentally list the things I had in my life that were good.

My list of good things was something like this:

I had a wonderful wifeI had 5 amazing children (now 6)I had loving parents and siblings and grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousinsI wasn’t sickI had a jobI had decent shelter and foodMy family was healthyI could see, and appreciate the beauty of the world around meI could taste delicious foodI had great books to read

The list went on, but you get the idea. Even when things seemed horrible for me, actually I was OK. And more than that, I had some amazing blessings in my life.

That night I resolved to count my blessings more often. I resolved to be grateful for what I had, for the people in my life.

I started the habit of gratitude.

Now, this seems like a trivial and maybe trite and hokey thing to many people. I’m here to tell you that it’s not trivial, and as trite/hokey as it may seem, it changes lives.

Here’s what happened to me, as I changed my thinking from one of negativity, to one of gratitude:

I appreciated my wife Eva more, and told her so, and felt good about having her in my life, and we deepened our relationship.I also appreciated my kids more, and instead of getting mad at them so much, I would notice their lovingness, their curiosity, their humor and playfulness.I appreciated my other loved ones more, and while I don’t always tell them how grateful I am for them, I do think it a lot, and do tell them much more often now.I was kinder to others around me, at work and everywhere else, because instead of seeing the faults in everyone, I saw the good, and was grateful for them.I needed less, because instead of thinking about what I don’t have, I was grateful for what I did have.Little things bothered me less, because instead of complaining about every little thing, I would find things to be thankful for.I appreciated nature all around me, smaller things that I might have missed before, beauty in everything.Habit change became easier, because instead of focusing on how hard the change was, I found the joy in the changes, and joy in seeing myself overcome challenges.Each and every moment became cause for gratitude, and living in the present became easier.

The list goes on and on, but each of these things is incredibly powerful. Not trite. Not hokey. Pure wonder.

So how do you pick up this habit? It’s interesting, because so much of our lives is spent in unconscious mental habits. Without knowing it, we complain, we nitpick, we stress about little faults, we see the bad in people and situations. Changing that doesn’t happen immediately.

But. You can change a little at a time. Start with a small gratitude session, and really be thankful. Really feel the happiness that something or someone is in your life.

Take a moment to make a list, right now, of the things in your life you’re thankful for. You just might be looking back on this moment years later, as the moment your entire life changed.

If you’d like help forming the gratitude habit, please join us in the Sea Change Program — this month we’re working on the Be Grateful Module, forming the gratitude habit a little bit each day.

I offer a few articles and a live webinar on the topic, along with forums and accountability groups to help you stick to this (or any other) habit.

Join us now: the Sea Change Program

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